X Factor

Episode Report Card
M. Giant: B | Grade It Now!
Six of One, Half-Dozen of the Other

From the stage, Mario and Khloe quietly tell us that eight acts are hoping we voted for them last night, but there will only be six in the competition by the end of the night. In fact, by the time you're reading this, two acts' dreams have already been crushed. They may even be dead! After the credits, the hosts greet the judges, already at their table, with Britney peeking out from under a fedora for some reason. (That reason being: tired of wigs.)

So let's run through last night's developments. Backstage, Diamond was heartbroken that L.A. didn't love her performance. Vino didn't love his own and says this is the first time he'd like a do-over. Paige was, of course, thrilled after getting a tongue-bath from the temporarily deaf judges and her daughter told her, "I'm gonna go sing some more, too." Fifth Harmony's night was, of course, all about Ally's recently deceased grandfather, while Carly was, I think, wearing the hat Britney's got on tonight. Tate got a kiss and some encouragement from his wife backstage and CeCe walked offstage as though nobody hated her. And Emblem3 was -- what else? -- Emblem3.

After that, all the acts are onstage and Mario and Khloe get ready to summarily turf one of them. But first, Khloe stiffly asks Simon who he thinks is in danger. Simon says he's got a bad feeling, but won't elaborate. It's moot anyway, because the act with the lowest number of votes is... Paige Thomas. Whoa, I know I thought she was bad last night, but nobody else seemed to. The news is clearly a shock to everyone in the room except Paige, who walks over to the hosts smiling and says this is great because she's got bigger and better things to do. Looking forward to hearing all about her $7 million recording contract, then. Demi comes up onstage as we watch Paige's retro-reel, beginning with how hers was the very first audition we saw this season and going all the way up to last night, when she Rickrolled herself but good.

After the ads, Mario and Khloe introduce last year's runner-up, Josh Krajcik. He looks and sounds pretty much the same, except his new song "One Thing She'll Never Know" is pretty melody-challenged and he's singing it on a stage lit like the Brady Bunch's darkroom. The judges give him a four-way standing ovation anyway and Khloe plugs his EP. But, you know, she forgets to tell us what it's called. Guess I can't buy it now.

The hosts then tell us that the Pepsi Challenge is back, which apparently allows people on the Internet to have input on next week's performances or something. I'm all for this, because they did it last year and it seriously fucked some shit up. Encore, please.

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X Factor




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