Simon introduces Melanie, whose intro reel is all over the place accent-wise. We flash back to her debut audition of "Listen," and then Simon's ill-advised elimination of her, and then his going to her house to invite her back and how her confidence level has mirrored her fortunes through it all. Like the other two, she's singing the same song she first performed for the judges. So the moral is, if you're ever going to audition for The X Factor, pick your song carefully because you'll be doing it again at the very end. You know, if you get that far.

Melanie's new version is even bigger than her original, as she belts the hell out of it. It was starting to get boring, how good she always is, but this is some next-level shit.

"That is the Melanie that I love right there," L.A. says, and calls it a fifty-million-dollar performance. Nicole puts on her usual big theatrical show of giving comments, and hysterically, Melanie is openly and contemptuously bored of her, rolling her eyes and looking away. And why not, she doesn't need to give a shit any more. Paula has a little more restraint than she did with Chris, and Simon gives himself credit for bringing the show to America and tells her she should be the winner of The X Factor. Cut to Sunrise, Florida, where Melanie's godsister (which neither I nor spellcheck knew was a thing) and mayor scream over each other and the chaos in the church.

Steve gives the voting instructions and opens the voting lines before cueing the montage of tonight's performances. Up is down! Back from that, Steve's onstage with the final three, telling us, "Tomorrow night, we'll find out who has won." Plus they've got a slew of guests for the finale, including...Justin Bieber. Somebody in Chino Valley needs to take away all of Drew's scarves, stat.

M. Giant is a Minneapolis-based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, follow him on Twitter, or just e-mail him at m.giant[at]gmail.com.