As it happens, Khloe's outside canvassing the noisy crowd and collecting some screams from the fangirls. By the time we come back to the stage, Carly has escaped Mario's clutches, at least for now.
When we come back, Khloe has either changed her outfit or been dipped into black latex, but never mind that; it's time to find out who came in third.
The hosts bring out Britney and Carly, L.A. and Tate, and Simon and Fifth Harmony. Mario commences his long pause, but there's no pause long enough to make it suspenseful, or surprising when the third-place act turns out to be Fifth Harmony. They're finally out of surprises. Mario lets Ally gush into the microphone, and Khloe artfully phrases a question: "Best friends for life, huh?" Camilla pithily answers, "Wait, what?" Simon takes the loss pretty well, and then there's an unusually long farewell montage. Which is also unusually punctuated with excited screams, of course, because look who it's about. So long, Fifth Harmony. You lasted a lot longer than anyone expected, but tonight we learned that even Simon's power has its limits.
Khloe is now backstage in the still-red-draped space, interviewing Carly and her family and Tate and his family. Nobody says anything interesting or new, because that's not what this is about, but I'm sure someone in the control room is freaking out over every second that Khloe lets Tate's slow-talking mom have the microphone.
There's a season-long retrospective that's like watching it all in fast-forward, beginning with the auditions, continuing through Boot Camp, on to the judges' homes, and all the way to the live shows clear up to last night. Man, I could have saved so much time. Mario asks L.A. about his favorite moment, and he recalls Tate Stevens coming out in his cowboy hat at his first audition and cracking that he was a rapper. Britney's favorite moment was the whole season because God forbid she be asked to stop daydreaming for such an inane question, and Demi enjoyed every night sitting at the table. Simon's just pleased to have gotten a group into the final after last year's "disaster" with that category. Heh. In your face, Paula Abdul.
Then we cut to Khloe backstage with Vino, CeCe, Diamond, Emblem3 and Paige. She talks to only a few of them, Emblem3 says they should all rent a cabin and go snowboarding. The amazing thing about those guys is that after watching the whole season recap just now, we were reminded that they used to be even douchier-looking.