Steve does a remote interview with Melanie and Josh backstage, both of whom are happy to be there and grateful to their supporters. Then he cues a montage of the whole L.A. vs. Simon rivalry that they've been trumping up all season, which I've already covered before and don't plan to again. After that, Derek Fisher from the L.A. Lakers is standing next to Steve to introduce his "close friend" 50 Cent. So Fiddy and the dancers and the network censors all perform "Wait Until Tonight." It's really a collaborative performance, with all the muting that goes on. Some more Lakers show up, and after a while, Astro comes out to join in with the rapping. Well, it's not Jay-Z, but it looks like Astro will take it. Steve says it's only a few more minutes before we learn who the winner is. If a few is thirty.

After the earlier bit about Simon and L.A.'s rivalry, Steve does a tongue-in-cheek intro to the season-long "cry-off" between Paula and Nicole. There's a scoreboard on the screen and everything, and all I will say is that Nicole wins 25-10, although 15 of those were from the night she sent Rachel home by being a coward. And now, Pitbull featuring Ne-Yo! Whose records are we selling tonight, anyway? Marcus Canty gets to join them at the end of their song, so I guess these special guest performances amount to consolation prizes for some of the losers.

Steve is out in the audience between the Krajciks and the Amaros, who obviously are very proud and supportive and kind of bored with having to wait two hours to find out who's going to win already. Or maybe that's just me. Josh and Melanie now have to do a duet together, of "Heroes" by David Bowie. I assume all potential permutations of the final two had to rehearse a song to sing tonight after the third-place contestant got the boot, which makes me rather curious about what both Josh and Melanie would have had to sing with Chris. Tell me you're not curious too. You can't, can you? Josh and Melanie hug afterward like they're not mortal enemies, and Steve says the winner will be revealed after the break, honest and for true this time.