X Factor
X Factor

Episode Report Card
M. Giant: B- | 403 USERS: B-
YOU GRADE IT
Rock Off

Luckily here's Steve to smooth things over and move them along. "LeRoy, what do you think of those horrible comments?" he asks. Oh, Steve. Now he's in on the bickering too, so it falls to LeRoy to be the peacemaker, saying he'll do what he has to do. Steve's voting instructions are even less riveting than usual, distracted as I am by the fact that one of LeRoy's glasses lenses is partially fogged up. How does that happen? And how does a man with half-fogged glasses expect to win five million dollars?

Simon gets the giggles for some reason while introducing Rachel Crow. Her intro reel is all about how much she and Simon love each other. Which doesn't really explain why he's got her singing "Satisfaction" by the Rolling Stones, done in Motown style while giant, seizure-inducing, vertical red-and-yellow stripes flash on the projection screen like the opening of a dimensional portal between the Times Square and Las Vegas McDonald's locations.

L.A. poses Rachel a rhetorical question: can she sell records and tickets? Rachel says she can, but L.A. wants to answer. Actually, his answer is the same as Rachel's but he wanted to be the one to say it. Nicole says it was the perfect song choice (perfect for showing how few rock songs Simon knows) and her favorite performance of Rachel's thus far. Paula goes on again about connecting with the audience, which she says Rachel does. Simon remembers that Rachel told him she wants to win, and he can see it happening, unlike some people who are just here to get TV exposure. But who would do that?

So how is L.A. dealing with Chris Rene for Rock Week? Bob Marley. In the intro reel, L.A. talks about the moral support Chris needs, and Chris talks about all he's doing to stay sober. His performance of "No Woman No Cry" is rock only in the sense that L.A. put him in an army jacket and has the guitars mixed higher. [Note: It's also mashed up with "Everything's Gonna Be Alright" which is... also not rock. -- RS.] Simon's looking around in bemusement and -- wait, Chris ditches the jacket to reveal an Occupy Wall Streets shirt! Topical, I think!

X Factor

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