Coming back from that, Simon is still reluctant to say anything, telling Steve that he'll talk to Drew backstage. But then he can't stop himself from saying she didn't deserve to go home. Drew's back to crying like she's at a mob funeral and letting Simon lead her offstage, but Steve's not done with her, and when he thrusts his microphone in her face, she blurts, "Jesus loves all of you guys and I haven't gotten to say that and that's what I'm here for and that's what I truly was in this competition for and now I'm saying it!" So there! Maybe that would have been more impactful in a Caribbean accent, though. It's a pretty awkward final moment up there with the judges and the final five, and Steve reminds us one of them will win a five-million-dollar recording contract like it's the worst news he's ever heard. And then he signs off with these magical words: "It's been an absolutely shocking night, filled with emotion... stay tuned for Bones." Oh, man, Steve Jones has the most ridiculous job in the world.
M. Giant is a Minneapolis-based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, follow him on Twitter, or just e-mail him at m.giant[at]gmail.com.