Young Americans

Episode Report Card
Pamie: D | Grade It Now!
How lovely to be a woman

Coke commercial. Coke commercial.

Liv Tynot kisses a boy in Dog Park. From far away, Will watches all creepy-like. Scout comes running up, as he can't be separated from Will for more than fifteen minutes. He follows his gaze and says, "Huh. Caroline Bus, you like?" Dude. She's not an appeteaser. Will asks who her guy is. "Aw, Josh Carson, went to Deerbrook with me. He used to, he used to wet the bed." Very seriously, and in a strange tone Will goes, "Probably still does." Wait, wet the bed? Like with her? I...I don't want to think about why Will got all morose on that line. Scout laughs it off anyway as Will blinks and swallows.

Verve knocks Terri in the elbow with an oar. They share a laughing moment. "So, are you renting or do you own?" Terri asks. Verve, who is just as confused as I am by that question from nowhere, says, "Neither. I'm still mooching off the parentals." She laughs and says she meant his tuxedo. He says he's going to do the "dinner jacket thing." He says he'll be like "Bogey in Casablanca." He asks Terri what she's wearing. She says if she goes at all it'll be like a "drop-by solo thing." Verve looks down and says, "Yeah, me too." Pause. "Could be fun," Terri says. "Yeah, lots of chicks in taffeta." Oh, that is so Smurfy. They laugh for a few minutes. Terri pouts her lips and says, "Um, why don't we just...go solo together?" Verve blinks, licks his lip and says, "Yeah, okay." "So, it's a date," Terri exhales. Verve looks down and nods. Cue the Steel Drums of Non-Gay Love. They slap hands and point as Terri walks off. Verve holds on to his oar and watches her walk away.

Will sits under a tree. "So, how rich is she? I mean, compared to your family." Scout says that compared to his family she's very rich, but compared to the "Gates family" she's not that well off. Bwa-ha-ha. Rich boy humor. "And he sighs with relief," Will says. I hate that he's always narrating himself in the third person. Scout says that he used to see her at her place in St. Bart's. "She had the most amazing tiny-weenie baby-blue string bikini..." "Wow," Will says, as I don't know how else you respond to some other guy making gestures with his hands about how much skin he's seen on the girl you're craving. Scout, thinking he's God's gift to ideas, goes, "Hey! Why don't you ask her to the cotillion?" Will says that she's out of his league. Scout starts laughing and says he knew Will would be too scared. Oh, man. The Chicken Tactic? We're reduced to the Chicken Tactic? Will's all, "I'm not scared, man." Scout says that Will is scared of girls. Will says that he's been on dates before. "I've dated a ton." "Yeah, okay, Will." "You don't think I can do it? What, you don't believe me? I can do it. In fact, I'm gonna do it right now." "Whatever you say." Will walks off and Scout picks up his schoolbook, lifting it high enough so that we can see he just finished the lab in chapter one of Introduction to Psychology. That sounds like I made it up. I didn't. He's all reading the Introduction to Psychology and laughing about how fucking proud of himself he is. I'll never get those three minutes of my life back, people.

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Young Americans




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