Young Americans
Free Will

Episode Report Card
Pamie: D | Grade It Now!
Winkin', Blinkin', and Nod

Terri walks into the television room wearing a Number Nine jersey and announces she's "leaving Rawley." She says she can't take it anymore either, and he doesn't have to worry about sneaking around anymore. She says it's all over. As Verve blinks, squints and stares she turns back around and says, "Oh. And before I go I'm telling everyone I'm a girl." Verve watches her walk off without saying a word.

Terri packs a bag. Verve stands in the doorway. "You don't have to do that, you know?" Terri continues packing and says, "Why not? You get your reputation. I get to wear skirts." Verve acts like this is all very tedious and drones, "It's my problem." "Yeah? And I'm the cause, so poof, the problem is solved." Ignore the poof joke, kids. Terri says she can't take the pressure and she can't keep doing all of this. Verve says he'd have a harder time living without her. This stops the packing and forces some major staring. "I don't care about my reputation. I don't want to lose you." Terri reminds him that he said it's not worth it. She goes back to packing. Verve shuts the door and says, "Don't listen to me. I'm an idiot." She starts to talk, but he grabs her face and tells her to "drop it." "You're not going anywhere," he orders. He touches her lip. "Well, when you put it that way," she whispers. Oh, man. Can't she be genuinely angry at him? He tried to move in and then told her she wasn't worth all of this and one little lip fondle and she's back to estrogoo? He's cute, sure, but he says some really dumb things. He says that he's staying "at home." He adds that his parents are bound to go away sometime for the fall semester. He gives a wink. Like they can't make out in her bedroom now? They already do. Or is he implying she's going to have to move in with him? They nod and stare for a while, keeping the one-inch distance from each other's lips. Verve stammers an apology about pushing things too quickly. "It's just..." Lip-licking, staring, blinking, head-wiggling, licking, blinking. "I love you." Terri nods and says, "Yeah, I know." Verve swallows. They give each other deep-tongue kisses. Wow. That's a lot of tongue.

Cut to Ryder tonguing a different girl. Not Liv! Mmm. Ryder tongue. Will walks by to ruin everything and shouts Ryder's name. Ryder breaks from his kiss as Will shouts, "What do you think you're doing?" "Don't worry, love," Ryder says as he trails his finger down Will's chest. "I'm saving some for you." Will slaps Ryder's hand away and asks, "What if Caroline sees you?" "Who's Caroline?" Bench Bimbo pipes up. "You don't even care about her, do you?" Ryder calls Will the "love police" and tells him to go away. Will tells Ryder to leave Liv alone. Ryder says, "Why? So you can have her?" Will says that's "pretty much impossible now." Ryder asks why Will's bothering him. Will says it's because he cares about Liv. "Don't you get it? I like her." Cue Liv walking into the scene, just behind the action so she can hear the conversation behind the bush. "The poem? It's for Caroline. It was about her." "You can have her then! She's yours." Liv stares with her mouth open in that blue, flowery dress I hate so much. Will starts to threaten Ryder but Liv shouts, "Will!" Everyone stares at Liv and Bench Bimbo even sizes her up just a bit. Ryder stands up and faces Liv. "Look, I didn't mean it like that," he starts. As Ryder says Liv's name and she pulls back her hand for a face-slap, we see a cameraman standing right behind her, holding his camera, ready to get the reaction shot from Ryder. Nice work, editing crew. I hope your cameraman gets screen credits. He's there a second later, as Liv is storming off, but he's not holding a camera anymore. Then as Ryder starts running towards Liv, the cameraman is now holding a golf club. I refuse to try and understand anything anymore. As Ryder starts to run, Will pushes Ryder to the ground. It's the most pathetic display of manliness I've ever seen. "Looks like your Love Visa just expired," Will snarls. Yeah, but Ryder's Love Visa had 6.9% financing. The cameraman is now holding a motorcycle helmet, for those of you playing the prop game at home. Will makes kissy-faces at Ryder and runs off after his princess. Ryder forgets what physical violence was supposed to have just happened, and rubs his chin where Verve punched him instead of the cheek Liv slapped or the pec Will felt up. After much discussion and rewinding, it is decided that the extra is just holding a lacrosse helmet on a stick and keeps changing shoulders. I like my idea better.

Teleportation. Liv is already in the swimsuit pose on the edge of the pier. Will walks up. "Hey," he says. "Hi," she whispers. She squints. "Kinda weird that a creep like Ryder could write such a beautiful poem." Oh, man. This girl is really bad at this whole saying-sentences-that-were-written-down thing. Will blinks six times and looks down with a grin. She gives the Liv pout and says, "Ironic." Oh. The Alanis form of "Ironic," I guess. "Yeah," Will says, not wanting to correct the woman he wants to bang. "Yes, it is." He's still laughing, though, because he's that perfect and intelligent. Liv makes the worst joke ever about having Ryder deported. There is a moment of silence while Will sits down and Liv smirks all proudly for saying a three-syllable word. Will wins the coveted Worst Line This Episode with, "Maybe you should stay away from fancy imports. Date domestically." Liv hums and says that perhaps someone should ask her out already. Will asks her out. Much "tension" mounts until she says yes. Okay? That's it. Add nine hundred nods and blinks and you've got this scene. Let's move on. I hate my life.

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Young Americans




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