Outside shot of Rawley Academy so we don't get lost with all of the location shots.
Finn is walking through the dark. This causes Will to walk by with his hands in his pockets. Finn congratulates Will. He says that his "request to tutor" has been approved by the English department. There's a department? And isn't summer almost over? Will says that's great. Finn gulps, nods his head, gives a stern look and says, "All for the love of poetry, right?" Will says there's that, but there's also twenty bucks an hour. He asks when he starts. Finn's all, "Five minutes ago." There's already his student waiting in one of the rooms. Will starts to run off but Finn calls him back, laughing, because Will forgot to take the assignment from him, and that it has the word "ass" in it. Will has to trot back and forth in front of Finn a few times. Finn puts his book over his crotch and walks away.
Will enters a dark room. Long legs in a fancy dress sit in a giant leather chair. I guess girls can just run all over the boys' dorm at Rawley. When I lived in a dorm, if one male was caught unescorted, the entire first floor would scream, "Boy! Boy! Hide your titties! Boy! Boy!" and an alarm would go off and the boy would be kicked out onto Whitis Avenue. The woman turns around. It's Liv Tynot, of course. Will asks if she's there to be tutored. She says she is, and asks if he's going to be tutored as well. He tells her that he's the tutor. I hope that their first lesson is in tedious dialogue. She asks if this is going to be awkward for him. I thought they made up at the end of that episode with that whole, "Hi, my name is / What? / My name is / Who? / My name is / Will Krudski" note-writing thing. He says it won't be weird unless it's weird for her. She says she's fine if he's fine. I start watching Road Rules to see if I really do look like Holly. I don't know what you guys are talking about. Seriously. As Will sits down, Liv Tynot brings up the cotillion. This causes a close-up on Will so he can look down, nod, smirk, nod, and look back up. She says she knows he was just trying to "fit in." Will looks down, nods, laughs, nods and says, "Yeah, I was." He says that she was really angry, so he didn't call her. She smiles, nods, smiles. He says he thought it would be "pressing [his] luck" to talk to her again. She smiles the tightest smile I've ever seen, tosses her head back, nods, smiles, nods. "And then you went away," he says. "I did," she says. Nods, smiles, nods, nods. Will swallows, blinks and asks if she had fun. She says it was fun. "Ten people in a castle in Rome. No electricity, no heat." So that was her in The 1900 House? Man, she doesn't look so good in a corset. Oh, no, wait. Right. When she was in Stealing Beauty. That's how much these people want us to project Liv Tyler onto her. "And no one to keep you warm?" Will asks. Liv says that she did, in fact, have someone there to keep her warm. Thus ends that conversation. Will looks down, nods, looks away. Liv apologizes for hurting his feelings. He says it's okay. Nods, smiles, nods, blinks, nods, blinks, nods. He says he's glad she had a good time. Liv smiles, blinks, thanks him, blinks, and smiles. Will puffs his cheeks, flaps his fingers, looks down, blinks, exhales, blinks, nods. Liv smiles, looks down, nods, opens her mouth, closes it. He says they should get started. She smiles, agrees, nods, blinks, nods, looks down, looks up. Will smiles, laughs, nods, looks down, sits closer and opens a book. Blink, nod, look up. Liv blinks, smiles, blinks and stares. Jesus Christ. Dueling Saint Clare II walks down from her pedestal, stands in front of me and begins slapping each side of my face over and over. "What's her problem?" I ask Saint Clare I. "This is a house of hell, you evil woman," she screams. My cat knocks her off her pedestal with one paw. I hold upsdosv ow! Hey! lsdrmwselkv slekma''this is saint clare the second speaking to all of you as quickly as I can jump around these keys. please. please. save us. we cannot take it anymore. we know there is only one more episode. but you have to understand. we just finished watching last week's just three days ago. it wasn't enough time. we haven't restored our energy. we didn't have the strength in us to make this even a slightly tolerable episode. being the patron saint of television is exhausting work. we work long, thankless hours full of pain and suffering. we were busy with the good times e! true hollywood story, and didn't realize we were about to have an early episode of young nazis. oh, please, forgive us. save us from pamie. at night she sticks us in the freezer and places a small cassette player inside. she has it on loop. it plays billy ocean's "get out of my dreams (get into my car)" over and over and over again. we can't stop her. we hate her. we want to make next week's finale as intolerable as possible. but we fear she might, in fact, burn us alive if we do. please, support our efforts. please. join the mailing list. don't let her smiling face fool you. she is evil. she's not even taking us with her on vacation this week. don't you think I'd like to see a spa? don't you think I'd like a rest? don't you think I wish I had gone to school and learned proper punctuation? I can't do that. I'm just a patron saint. it's one step above townie. we worked really hard to get everyone nearly naked in this episode. we didn't have time for plot or writing. we never sleep. we never eat. we do this for you. don't let her kill us. oh, she's waking up! I have to go. The saint clares love you!
Whoa. My head hurts.