Hello, nurse! Lake Homoerotica is on fire! Naked kids all over the place! Woo-hoo! Half-naked Verve plays with a totally naked dog. Half-naked boy rows. Another half-naked boy keeps rowing as we pan over half-naked girls to Will and Scout, who are half-naked and sitting side-by-side. Scout doesn't mind showing his chest, but Will's got his pale-ass legs all folded up to his neck. His underwear is showing out of the leg of his shorts. Scout, always ready with the knife twist, says, "So, somebody else is keeping Caroline warm while you're keeping it cool?" Will laughs, and tries not to hit his roommate. "I can't believe you just said that," Will says. "Wehrih!" Scout says in return, which means, "That's because I'm the asshole on this show." Oh, my God! Yes! Yes! Someone heard my wishes from the last recap! Yes! Ryder is half-naked, walking down the pier! Huzzah! Ooh, he's got those little dimple things that go right at the top of the thighs, just under the stomach muscles. I love those. Oh, man. Thank you, WB! Ryder walks, stops, kicks some kid into the water, and continues walking over to Scout and Will. "Hello, fresh-faced youth of America!" he says. Scout attempts an accent to call Ryder a "cheap import." "If I wasn't so passionately apathetic that may've stung," Ryder smiles. Will says, "That's an oxymoron." "Wah! That's an oxymoron! Wah! I'm Will! I know everything! The teacher wants my ass the most! Wah!" Ryder says he is looking for someone with Will's kind of insight. "What do you want, Ryder?" Ryder exhales. "I need your help, William." Will laughs. Scout looks over, squints, looks distant. Ryder says he's having trouble with his literature assignment, and heard that Will was a tutor. Will says he'll have to sign up with the English department. Ryder says he was looking for something "a little more informal," and says that he's got this sonnet half-finished, but it needs touch-ups. Ryder offers fifty dollars. Will says that "the EPA" couldn't clean up the poem. Oh, Lord. Scout says that it looks like it might be a hundred-dollar job. Ryder agrees to the hundred dollars and says he needs the poem finished by tomorrow. Why does Will do this every fucking episode? Why must he continually break the school rules and then whine and moan about how he's almost kicked out week after week? The boy just keeps screwing up. Stealing, lying, cheating, blackmailing, gambling -- he does it all. Expel his ass, Finn. Oh, and -- blinks: twenty. Squints: five. Nods: six. Smirks: endless.
Ryder stands up, lights a cigarette, and looks in the opposite direction. "Aw," he says. He's looking at Terri and Verve. Terri had just crouched down next to half-naked Verve. She isn't half-naked, of course, and is in fact dressed for November. She gives the naked dog a pat. "Young love," Ryder says through his cigarette. "Cute couple, aren't they?" Half-naked Will and half-naked Scout act like they don't know what he's talking about. "Saw 'em making out in the common room yesterday," Ryder says. Both Scout and Will whip up their heads. "What?" Will asks. Ryder nods, looks down, nods, swallows, nods, looks up and says, "'strue." Scout tells Ryder to back off. Ryder flicks his cigarette at Scout, walks down the pier, kicks the same guy back into the water (And he was just toweled off! Oh, that meany! So funny!) and walks over to Terri and Verve. He comments on the "lovely summer romance." Check this shit out. Terri actually says, "So, I hear Mad Cow disease is pretty rampant back in England, huh?" She can't even finish the sentence without breaking into giggles. Verve giggles, too. Terri keeps giggling. That is the worst dis I've ever seen in my life. Ever. Really. I hope Ryder comes back with, "Well, a cow rhymes with sow, a sow is a pig, a pig is a hog, a hog rhymes with log, a log is a tree, a tree is nature, nature is beautiful, and so am I. Thank you so much for the compliment." That's what we did in the first grade, anyway. Ryder instead, does better than that by leaning down to Terri and complimenting her taste. "She's a pri-ie one, that dean's daugh-ahr. I'll give you that." Terri looks away, because she had been working on that Mad Cow thing all night long. It was that or jerk store. Verve doesn't know what to say either, so he turns away and does a little splashy with his hand. Ryder walks off.