Young Americans
Gone

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Ryders On The Storm

The trunk is lifted. They all stare in the trunk for a second. Bella goes to her left to pull her jacket. Will goes to his right to get his computer. Scout realizes he doesn't really have anything to gain from all of this criminal activity, but doesn't say any of that out loud. Now I'm just realizing things for Scout because I'm a little bored. Will picks up his computer and holds it in his hand for a few seconds, doing that once-over test he uses to make sure it "seems okay." "I'm not," Bella says. The letter isn't in the jacket. They start tossing things out of the trunk of the car behind them. Someone flings something, and the three thousand dollars goes up into the air. Magical music with chimes plays as the three kids stand open-mouthed as the money floats all around them. Tiny elephants dance with marshmallow fairies. Tiny Tim begins a kicky little melody. "Oh. My. God," Bella says. No one makes a move to touch the floating money. Grace runs outside and rubs her ass in it, screaming that she's always wanted some action in her back section. Blackout.

My boyfriend asks if he's allowed to have sex with Portia de Rossi if he meets her and she's willing. I tell him that he could, but not to come crying to me when her large head falls off her wilting body when he's on top of her.

Will is counting the cash. He's counting twenties, but he says, "Twenty-seven hundred, twenty-eight hundred, twenty-nine hundred, three thousand dollars." Townie math. Oh, that's good that they got every single dollar that was floating around New Rawley. Because they've got nothing but time, you see. Will asks Grace (oh, hey, Will and Grace) if Ryder really "blew three thousand dollars at Joe's last night." "It was not pretty," Grace drones. I wish they'd tell that girl to stand up straight. She's got a hunch worse than Katie Holmes. She laughs and tells them that Ryder thinks Joe took his car. "He doesn't know you guys took it." How is she so in the know for thirteen? Seriously. Bella goes back to grilling Grace about the letter in the jacket. She asks where it could be. She corners Grace back onto a stool. "I don't know," Grace snots. She says it probably fell out of the jacket when they were at Joe's. "What are you doing hanging with Ryder, little sister?" Will asks. Grace smirks and says, "How do you think he got into Joe's?" Scout is confused and asks who Joe is. He calls him a "Joe character." Bella explains that Joe is a bookie. He runs an "underground casino" out of the basement of his house. Scout asks how she knows him. Will says that they went to grade school with him. When exactly did Will go to Capeside? They were apparently good friends, and then Joe "went all Soprano on [him]." James Gandolfini calls me and says that "if that prick ever says [his] name again, [he's] gonna do a lot worse than make [his] Mamawhore cry again." Grace tells them that Ryder is on his way over to find Joe. "That's not good," Scout says. Will smiles. "Maybe it is." Everyone looks at Will as Will poses with a Cool Rider smile.

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Young Americans

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