Young Americans

Episode Report Card
Pamie: D | Grade It Now!
Ryders On The Storm

I am Jack's sense of ripping off a film.

"It all started when I decided to write a letter. A letter to my real father." Now, since they think we're dumb, we now have to watch this letter writing in excruciating detail. While Will fumes in Finn's room, Bella flips her head back and begins. "Dear Senator Calhoun." You know, if you're writing a letter to your father, do you have to start it with such formality? "It's almost impossible to know where to start." The background music is that "Storybook Story" rip-off again. We periodically cut back to shots of the letter. Bella's handwriting is like a nine-year-old's. All loopy and wiggly. She writes her cursive "m"s with three humps. "All my life I've wondered about you. My name is Bella Banks. I guess I'm writing you this letter...because I wanted you to know that I exist...and that I'm your daughter."

Bankruptcy Diner. Okay, check this: Verve, Terri, and Scout are all hanging out at the diner bar. I guess now everyone is all chummy since they think Terri and Verve are gay. They are playing that stupid game from three-year-old beer commercials: "Would you rather?" "Cameron kills Julia," someone says. I think it's Scout, since he's got a thing for blondes. Terri offers the obvious choice of "Chloe Sevigny or Hilary Swank." I can't imagine that anyone has ever asked that question before ever. Also, for some reason Terri calls her "Chloe Sah-vinn-yay." I've heard some butcherings of that name, but man, that takes the cake. "Oh, I think Chloe," Scout says. "No," Verve corrects him through his ice cream sundae. "Hilary." He turns to Terri. "Definitely Hilary," he smiles at her. She gives him the "good answer, non-gay lover" smirk. "Clinton?" Will asks, walking in just a bit too late for the joke. "Swank," Verve corrects. "Oh, yeah, of course," Will says, which makes me wonder if Will was choosing between Clinton and Swank, or if he's into Terri as well. Mmm, that would be fun. But they can't possibly give a good plotline to Will. That's not how things work. For some reason Verve changes the game completely and asks, "Debutante or down-home girl?" I'd like to go down-home girl, if you know what I'm sayin'. Sorry. Scout acts offended and says, "Oh, that's..." he looks to the left, which activates the BTS (or Bella Tracking System) and sees her sitting under the neon sign in her father's gas station. Bella's Ye Old Gas Pumpe is called "Charlie's Gas and Tow." No wonder the only truck they fix is the Truck of Constant Repair. "Debutante, right?" Verve asks. He then follows Scout's gaze to Bella. It's so dark in there, guys. I don't know how they can see each other. "Or maybe not," Verve says with an air of suspicion. Terri keeps her mouth open, because that's what she's learned from these boys. Will mumbles in Scout's ear, "Hello, Earth to Incest Boy." No, y'all, he really did. I rewound it, like, six times to make sure. That's what he said. That might be the best line they've ever given Will. That's beautiful. Incest Boy. Shit. "He's on the fence," Will says to Terri and Verve. Terri finds this funny for some reason and laughs. Maybe she heard Will's mumble. Will tells Scout to ask Bella to join them. "I'm working," Scout snaps. "I'll cover you." Cover his what? Terri and Verve just started their ice cream, and all of the lights are already out. Scout walks off as Verve and Terri share a "maybe we don't have the most fucked-up relationship here" smile.

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Young Americans




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