Wave Runner chews gum and comes up quickly, as the oblivious Bella is still holding onto the Amish technology of the paddle. Wave Runner skis up to Scout, who is standing with other slack-jawed Rawley boys. As she passes Bella, Bella pouts like a four-year old. Wave Runner greets Scout by name. He says hello back. Her name is Paige. She and Scout know each other. She just transferred to Rawley Academy for Girls. She is twenty-seven years old. Scout introduces Paige and Paige shakes Will's hand. This is just as boring as it sounds. I end up talking to my friend Rose about sex for an hour just to have something to do. As Paige stilts, "Scout, you look great," Bella sad-paddles up beside them. Will and Scout share a look. "Hey, Scout. Hey, Will." "Hi, Bella." "Hi, Bella." "Bella, this is Paige." "Hi." "Hi." Does everyone have everyone's names down now? Great. Let's try for some plot now. Will compliments Paige's Wave Runner. She asks Scout if he'd like to go for a ride. Bella looks down and pouts. Scout looks back and forth for a while and then stammers that Will should get the first ride. Since he wasn't invited on, he asks Paige, "You sure?" She gives a dejected, "Yeah, hop on." Bella smiles through her hair. As Will pushes the Wave Runner back into the water he turns to Scout and asks, "Whose life is this?" This is not my beautiful life. Bella looks at Scout. Scout watches Will and Paige ski off. Will is fully dressed. Like a big dork he gives a "Woo!" right in Paige's ear. Bella looks off all dreamy. So does Scout. "She's a friend of the family," he says to her. "You don't have to say that," she says. "I know." "And I think she likes you," Bella smiles. Scout looks at her. "So, I think you should ask her out," Bella nods. "You don't have to say that," Scout says. "I know," the entire world says in unison. I can never get those minutes back in my life, people.
Opening credits. Smells like teen boy-love.
Coke commercial. Coke commercial.
I'm glad that I can now back up my hatred of Alyssa Milano with proof. Anyone who has ever done a 1-800-COLLECT commercial signed a contract to be despised by anyone with a television.