Young Americans
Kiss And Tell

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Kiss And Tell

Terri is on the phone. "It's Jake! Jacqueline!" And we have a name, folks. Only took three episodes. Too bad she's still Terri. She's putting on her clothes and talking to her mother's housekeeper. Seems Terri's mom is off in Hollywood doing something: "Glad the role came through." Can't wait to see the stunt casting on Terri's mom. Seriously, I bet it'll be Sean Young. Terri puts her white ace bandage over her black Victoria's Secret bra. She then puts a white t-shirt over it. Black bra. White t-shirt. Good job. I hate the costume people. Terri hangs up and looks around.

Verve tosses a ball to no one as MamaVerve walks up behind him. "Oh! Here's Munchie! Hi!" Verve asks her to not call him Munchie in front of everyone. Munchie. I wish I had come up with that. There's a redhead following MamaVerve. She's here from California checking out the school. Her name is Lena. "Hamilton's my son," MamaVerve says, because they knew we were asking questions. MamaVerve asks him to chaperone Lena over to the Girls' School. MamaVerve looks like a cross between Jessica Lange and Cybill Shepherd. Verve looks at the Lena and says, "Well." Lena executes the all-important red-lipped pout. Terri walks up to a rock and hides behind a tree branch and watches.

Verve and Lena walk. "So, what's it like in L.A.?" he asks. She continues looking upward and drones, "Nothing's indigenous. Even the palm trees are brought in." She confesses that she stole that line from The Way We Were. I hope that we can expect continual apologies for plot, dialogue and character rip-offs, but I'm not holding my breath. Verve asks if she likes movies. No, really. He goes, "You like movies?" What a ridiculous question. Lena admits that she mostly likes old movies. He tells her that they just restored an old drive-in in Rawley and that it opens tomorrow night. ["That's funny, because they did the same thing on Dawson's Creek. Do small towns ever restore cinemas in real life?" -- Wing Chun]

Terri walks up. Lena is instantly interested. Verve starts with, "Jake, this is..." Lena offers her hand and her name instantly. As Verve stammers Lena's credentials, Terri gives her a firm handshake. Lena tells Terri that they are going to the drive-in tomorrow night "to see a movie." She asks if Terri wants to come. Cue Steel Drums of Non-Gay Love as Terri looks at Verve. Verve looks back at Terri. Terri looks back at Lena and says yes. Verve bits his lip and says, "Great." Terri smiles. Lena tells Terri that she looks exactly like her ex-boyfriend. Terri says she hopes that's a compliment. Lena says that it is. Verve leans into Terri and says that a lot of people say they look alike. Lena says she doesn't notice a similarity. But I do. Suddenly they look exactly alike. Verve starts to walk back to the Girls' School. Lena makes Terri promise to go out with them tomorrow night. As Lena tells Verve that Terri really looks like her ex-boyfriend, Terri walks away uncomfortably. I really don't understand why Terri still hasn't told Verve that she's a girl. Clearly they are in love and it's not like Verve would tell his parents. I mean, your girlfriend has her own private dorm room right down the hall from you and you're locked in a school together? How sweet is that?

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Young Americans




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