Young Americans
Kiss And Tell

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Kiss And Tell

Ah, the Friendly's. Pan across some whipped cream in a bag or something. I can't tell what we're looking at. Will picks up the can and says, "This is why I don't give whipped cream cans to kids." Oh, Will. Lighten the fuck up for a moment. Scout tells Will to leave and he'll close up. Scout looks out the window at Bella. She's putting windshield-wiper fluid in a bucket and holds a hose in her other hand. Whatever. She, of course, can feel him looking, and looks over at him. Close-up smile. Close-up smile. Pinkie wave. I'm so sick of this shit. Scout's smile fades, as it always does when he realizes that he can't screw his sister. Yet. Will asks if Scout is going to go out with Paige. He says that if he's not going to because of Bella, "that's pretty lame." Scout says that he grew up with Paige and that she's like (say it with me) "a sister." Bah-dum-bum. "Life's so weird," young astute Will says with a squint, and he finally leaves. Scout walks to the door and flips the sign. Close-up on Will looking sad. He sees Bella and Sean playing in the water from the bucket. She turns a hose on him. Sean hasn't gotten off his bike yet. By the way, it's fully lit outside. Friendly's must be closing early to save the cost of food for dinners. Sean dumps the bucket of wiper fluid all over Bella. ["Wouldn't that sting her eyes and skin? Just wondering." -- Wing Chun] Surprisingly, she doesn't kick his ass. She just giggles and has the time of her life. Townie. Close-up on the disappointed Scout. Close-up on the "Closed" sign. For like, thirty seconds. Closed. Like his heart, y'all. So damn sad.

Scout doesn't stay upset for very long and goes right to the can of whipped cream. As he fills his mouth, Paige knocks on the door. Will the comedy ever cease, people? I can hardly catch my breath. From the massive projectile vomiting. He unlocks the door and lets Paige in. "So you do work here?" She seems amazed. She calls it "charmingly eccentric." I think we're supposed to hate Paige, but she's really too bland to evoke any sort of emotion. "Am I too late for a quickie?" she asks Scout. Scout gets all shocked with cream on his face and I just have to look down because the horrible, horrible scene on my television is making my stomach heave. "A burger," she of course clarifies, and then wipes the cream off his chin with one finger. He says she's not "too late...for a quickie." Paige then slowly puts her finger in her mouth and sucks the cream off the tip. Good Lord, people. What the hell is this crap? Scout smiles through his "motivation."

Finn and MamaVerve walk through some park thing. She says that she can't teach that class with him. He asks if it's because she wants to stay away from him. She says it's because she doesn't want to stay away from him. She asks if it's clear. Finn tries to get all poet on her ass, but he's all squinty and speaking in fragments, and I really don't understand what he's saying. Clearly she doesn't either, because she says, "Yeah," like he asked a question, and then walks off.

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Young Americans




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