Cue the British Aussie. Gregor Ryder walks into the dorm lounge area with a video camera up to his face. He announces that he's making a documentary about the freshmen of Rawley. He says that he's looking for "the hawpes, the feeeiahs, the dweeams of some of our fweshmen." The Gregor Cam is crazy-annoying to look through. Will just keeps shaking his head and reading his magazine. Gregor-Ryder decides to start with some boy that looks like Jason Biggs. "Tell us, child, what iz your name?" Gregor-Ryder asks. The accent must be infectious, because it develops in this boy before he finishes his sentence. "Uh... Harry Johhhnsohn." Gregor-Ryder does the spinny cam on him as he laughs. "Harry Johhnsihn! That's brilliant! Tell us, Harry, why you're here at Rawley." "I...I guess to go to school?" Harry says, dropping the accent. Gregor-Ryder picks up the camera, aims it at himself and declares Harry will soon commit suicide. Nice. He turns the camera on Will. Through the Gregor Cam view, Will gets all sex, lies and videotape on us and goes, "Why are you here, Ryder?" Ooh, there it is. I bet his name is Gregor Ryder, though. Just like the Hamilton Fleming Hamilton Verve Hamilton Munchie. Okay, we can call him Ryder now. Check out Ryder's answer to this deep question: "Because mi mothah had the pieur sense to marry an American, and this is his pathetic idear of a guud school." If you can name that country, I'll give you mad cash. "I'm hoping it proves to be the low point in my life." No accent, now. He says that from what he knows of Will, this is going to be the high point in Will's life. He says that sooner or later the scholarship money will run out, and since Will's mom doesn't make too much on the perms and trims she gives, they aren't going to be able to afford his Rawley tuition much longer. Will looks deep into the camera and says, "You are a worthless individual, aren't you?" Ryder jumps into Will's lap (the camera is nowhere to be found) and gets in Will's face. "Yeah," he says, and then blows an air kiss inches away from Will's lips. "But ah'm great foon to be around." Will pushes Ryder off of him; he only has eyes for Finn. Verve stands up and announces, "It's not even your camera, Ryder. School property." Ooh, burn. "Duh...Hamilton," Ryder counters. DOUBLE BURN! Duh! He said "duh"! Duh! Ryder wins for lamest line of the evening. Duh. Ryder starts into Verve by asking if he's still a virgin. He says it must be hard being around "all these nubile young weemeen" each and every year. Will tells Ryder to back off. Verve puts his hand on Will's chest and tells him not to bother. He walks off. Ryder cracks a joke that once he started talking about sex, Verve wanted to be alone. The background music is from Sleeping With the Enemy, I think. Ryder puts the camera back up to his own face so we can see in this brilliant close-up: "What ouwah boy Hamilton doesn't realize is, while he's yet to wet his whistle, his loving mutha is loving someone otha than hees loving fathah. Kind of ironic. Which I'm sure Finn would point out, which is ironic in itself, seeing as...Finn's the one she's dewwwing."
The rest of the freshman are standing along the edges of the room with their arms crossed. Ryder turns the camera to Will and says since he saw the whole thing he might want to add his own remarks. Will gets up to Ryder and knocks the camera out of his hand. Very dramatic flinging of the camera against the wall. Ryder goes apeshit. "Damn! Krudski, I was on a roll." "Gentlemen? What's going on here?" Hey, who's the new stubbly guy? Ryder goes Eddie Haskell and says, "Hello, Dean Fleming. I'm so sorwee. I dropped it. I'm so clumsy. If it's broken, I'll pay for it." The dean says it's not necessary, and that it's just a camera. He asks the room if something is wrong. Will is the only person allowed to answer questions, so he says no. The dean walks off with the camera. Ryder turns around, takes a grand bow to Will, and walks off with his evil chuckle. I assume he's going straight to his room to work on more Ryan Phillippe impersonations. Close-up on Will as both Ryders laugh and the screen fades out.