Young Americans
Pilot

Episode Report Card
Pamie: D | 4 USERS: A-
YOU GRADE IT
They were Young Americans

I can't believe this. The credits roll. Incredibly long montage of kids running half-naked towards the lake. The girls are not wearing bras, just little white strappy-things. They're jiggling, baby (go 'head, baby). It's like a Howard Stern segment. Everyone is so incredibly happy, so tan, so thin, so wearing combinations of swimsuits and underwear. There is not a real minor among them. Rawley has a strict weight limit. Some jump over the camera in their heated exuberance. Slow-motion shot of Will and Scout naked from the waist up, staring and laughing at each other as they run. They look completely naked and completely in love. They all get in the water and splish around for a second, like maybe they'll have a water fight. Scout stands, water dripping from his perfectly formed full-adult-male pecs and says, "Oh, man. I think I'm gonna like this place." Secretly, I might, too. Just because these people keep getting naked. Suddenly, all of the boys grab Will and Scout and pull them away. They run out of the water and totally in the other direction. Okay. No parental supervision. Boys. Tons of almost-naked girls. And they carry off the two half-naked boys? I don't get it. I really don't. Will and Scout are all smiles as they are carried away. They leave me in confusion for the first commercial break.

The WB takes this moment to inform us that the series premiere of Young Americans is brought to us by Coca-Cola. Thanks.

Coke commercial. I plan on doing a word search after this recap to see how many times I end up typing the word "Coke."

Oh, good. "And now, the Coca-Cola Summer Series Premiere of Young Americans continues." Just in case we forgot for a second.

The hazing continues. Apparently Will and Scout are the only freshmen at the school, as they are the only two that are blindfolded, spun around, and then dropped off on a patch of grass outside Main Street. The other fully-dressed boys (I guess someone brought extra Madras for the Socs) then jump into their convertible. I have to rewind three times to understand what one boy then shouts. Here it is, in all its verbal glory: "Soobie Doobie, so's your bootie, baby!" Or something like that. I don't know. Fists are then raised in the air, boys shout and peel off. Will and Scout remove their blindfolds and we hear in a voice-over, "Damn, seniors." The townspeople point and laugh at Will and Scout. Will is overly embarrassed because this is his town, and he knows all of these people that are laughing at them. Whatever. The townspeople are dressed for fall.

Will and Scout walk across the street in their underwear and Skecher boots. Suddenly, they aren't wet anymore. They walk up to Blonde Pump Girl. Scout is all smirks and smiles. Pump Girl gives a slow-motion eyebrow raise. In extreme close-up. Scout opens his mouth and stares in slow motion. She gives an incredulous, "Willie Krudski?" "'Sup, Bella," Will says back, all embarrassed. Oh, God. Her name is Bella. I hate these people. She asks if he's now a Rawley kid. He says that he's just doing his Marky Mark impersonation. She offers to go get his mom from the beauty salon so she can see him. "All right, Pump Girl," he says. (Hey, that's my line!) "How 'bout a ride back to school?" Check out the witty banter. Bella tells Will to ask his friend to just call a cab with his cell phone. Scout says he doesn't have a cell phone. She asks if his "Beemer" is in the shop. She says he looks dumb and rich. He says he's smart and poor. She says, "'Fraid not. That's our act." He actually says, "It's a tough one to follow." Smirk. Smirk. Close-up. Close-up. Everything. Is. Said. In. Close-up. Half-naked Will touches half-naked Scout on the chest and says, "Come on, Romeo. I know a short cut." Close-up smirk. Close-up smirk.

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Young Americans

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