Young Americans
Winning Isn't Everything

Episode Report Card
Pamie: D | Grade It Now!
"Daddy, Daddy, If You Could Only See"

Bella teleports into Scout's dorm room in the middle of the night and announces that she's changed her mind. She says she wants to meet the Senator, but on her terms. She wants to meet him tomorrow at the Regatta. Scout is, of course, all smiles and "great, great." "And my dad can't know about this," she adds. She's not smiling. "'Cause it'd crush him." "You got it," Scout says all like he's Harrison Ford. He smiles and blinks. "Okay," Bella exhales. "Tomorrow." She walks off. Scout keeps grinning, because if he keeps getting his way every single time like this, there's only a matter of days before he's hittin' the sister sauce.

Coke commercial.

Girlie Lunch. Terri is eating very quickly and asks if MamaTerri needs to get back to New York. "Like, right now." MamaTerri asks why she pretended she didn't know Verve. Terri acts all innocent. MamaTerri asks if she's sleeping with him. She says she saw her heading over to Verve's dorm yesterday. Terri does the worst spit-take I've ever seen. "We can talk about it, you know." "It?" "Sex. Let's talk about sex." Oh. My. God. No. Salt 'N' Pepa's "Let's Talk About Sex" cranks up as MamaTerri looks at Terri and Terri looks into her coffee cup. Terri says, "Mom," and stops the music. Come on, people, I'm not recapping Ally McBeal for a goddamn reason.

Terri says she's not "having it." Excuse me, Miss? No, she's not havin' it. "I'm not," she says again. MamaTerri looks at her. The song cranks up again. My ears! Not my pretty ears! MamaTerri looks down, smiles, looks down, smiles, cocks her head, stops the song and says, "Penis." Close up on Terri, who doesn't have a penis, as MamaTerri continues. "Vagina. Intercourse. You've gotta get comfortable with these words. And with me." "Yeah," Terri says. MamaTerri's cell phone rings. You know, I'm just a Townie and all, but it really doesn't seem like MamaTerri's this big mean uncaring absent mother. I think she's just a busy successful actress. In a very bad pink terrycloth coat. Ooh, terrycloth. Maybe that's a shout-out. MamaTerri announces that her phone call is going to take a minute. Terri whispers, "I gotta pee and I gotta return a book." Sounds like a typical Saturday afternoon to me. Terri walks off as I am forced to listen to "Let's Talk About Sex" again. The Benny Hill theme would be more appropriate here, as Terri starts running off...

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Young Americans




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