Young Americans
Winning Isn't Everything

Episode Report Card
Pamie: D | Grade It Now!
"Daddy, Daddy, If You Could Only See"

...and she's suddenly on a boat. "What took you so long?" Verve asks. Terri is pulling down the front of her dress as she leans over and shouts, "Sex!" Not enough in this show, baby. If Verve is going to be in a boat, there should be a rule that he's got to take off his shirt. At the word "sex," Verve, of course, swerves the boat and knocks Terri back. Her clothes stay on, though. He apologizes. She says that her mother knows about them. He says that they haven't done it yet and she says she knows that. Terri pulls her t-shirt over her ace bandage bra and says that she's never done it. He says he hasn't either. He says he's gotten close. "Really?" she asks. "You haven't?" "We gotta practice," he whines. "I, uh, I mean...we gotta get to practice." Terri smiles and finishes changing. This scene might have been more endearing if it weren't for Salt 'N' Pepa singing the same damn chorus over and over again. Once they started talking about this, they should have changed the song to "Shoop" or just shut it off. Between the background music, the boat, and the threat of the Steel Drums of Non-Gay Love looming over, I could hardly listen to the conversation.

Finn has his hands in his pockets, so Will is standing behind him. "Nice of you to join us, boys," he says to Terri and Verve as they run up. As he starts telling the crew to enter the boat, Verve wipes his hand on Terri's face to remove her lipstick. Oh, man. That was so hot. No, really, that was hot. He like, grabbed her head with one hand and started pulling on her mouth with the other, and then she pulled up her hands and started wiping her mouth too and the Steel Drums of Non-Gay Love kicked in and I was all, "Cool." Will saw all of this, though, and is now giving Terri and Verve the "those boys sure are funny. Queer funny" eyebrows. He even shakes his head back and forth in case we didn't catch it.

The parents are cheering from the stands. Senator Recordholder leans against a tree. It's like a first heat or something, so no one is really cheering or interested in the race. In fact, it doesn't even look like they're trying too hard. The Senator is pleased as the Rawley Crew beat the Yellow Shirt Crew. One guy in the stands is shouting, "Go! Go!" As they win, Finn shouts something about the next race being at four. "Good work!" he bellows. "Good work!" He putters off in his tiny boat.

The Rawley boys run back onto the pier without a trace of sweat, all mumbling until Vinnie Barbarino pipes up, "Unbelievable!" Will stops running and having fun with them because, well, he's Will. Finn carpe diems and walks up behind him and touches his shoulder. He asks if Will is going to be spending time with his family between the races. Will says it'll just be Mamawhore, but she can't make it until later. Finn squints and says, "Dad can't make it?" "He could if he wanted to," Will brats. Finn apologizes, but looks a bit pleased. Will says that his dad has "this thing" where he thinks Will thinks he's better than he is. "Are you?" Finn asks, thinking about all the things Will might be good at. "I don't know," Will laughs. He says that he might as well stay home, since he's got nothing to say to him. "Doesn't sound like that to me," Finn says. They stare at each other for a while. Finn gets up and fondles Will's arm and then leaves. Man, I find every Will and Finn scene to be the creepiest thing in the world.

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Young Americans




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