Young Americans
Winning Isn't Everything

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Pamie: D | Grade It Now!
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"Daddy, Daddy, If You Could Only See"

"Stroke!" I love that that's the first thing we hear coming from Lake Homoerotica as the sunset kisses the muscular bodies of Rawley's finest. It even beats out the schmaltz-fest of Krudski's Komments. I just tune him out, now. I watch the boys move. But here it is, because you know you're addicted to Good Will Kruddy's wistful ruminations: "Expectations. They change as we change. They're born of our biggest dreams and deepest fears. Sometimes we even inherit them. Lately, I'm expecting a lot of things, which could lead to happiness, or disappointment. But regardless, they'll bring me closer to the truth." Man, I wish he had said "irregardless." Okay, this is said while the Rawley boys hang a banner (there's always a banner) announcing the upcoming crew competition. Then boys row and we see muscular forearms. What does that mean, really? What truth?

"I don't wanna see your face no more," Scout says all faux-accusingly. "Scout!" Bella shouts, like she's angry. They're standing over a '57 Chevy. "What?" Scout's all mad. Bella's tone changes instantly. "That's so easy. Lenny Kravitz. 'American Woman.'" Wow. Wow. Wow, that's really lame. Using a lyric game to make us think there might be actual tension and/or conflict in this show, but then delivering the line so shittily that it seems like you're watching a screen test. Oh, man. Dear Young Americans writing staff: First of all -- no. This is crap. Second, we aren't retarded. Even Scout and Bella's mutated children would know that Kravitz didn't write 'American Woman.' I know you're all "Yeah, America" and "Yeah, Tommy Hilfiger," but you could at least give The Guess Who the credit they deserve. No love, pamie. Back to the smirking. Bella counters with, "When you're standing, oh so near, I kinda lose my mind." See? Because she works on cars. Get it? Isn't she a scream? Scout says he knows it. She says that he apparently doesn't, tells him that his break is over, calls him "Master C" for some reason, and tells him to get back to work. Oh, the Townie thinks "Scout" begins with a "C." That's so cute. They giggle and flirt a little more, and then Scout gets all serious and all "about what happened at the cotillion" with her. Bella asks if Paige thinks she's "scamming on her boyfriend." Scout says Paige is confused and doesn't know what to think because she doesn't know "the truth." As if the truth would put Paige at ease. Scout says something about how they don't know the truth either. Bella rolls her eyes and reminds him that he's with Paige and she's with Sean and everything is so groovy. Look down. Look down. Head nod. Smirk. Smirk. Nod. Blink. Maybe people keep harping on "the truth" because thetruth.com is a sponsor? So in addition to hearing week after week how refreshing Coca-Cola is, we now have to hear about the importance of "the truth?" ["As if they could reasonably expect anyone watching this crapfest to quit smoking." -- Sars]

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Young Americans

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