Young Americans
Winning Isn't Everything

Episode Report Card
Pamie: D | Grade It Now!
"Daddy, Daddy, If You Could Only See"

Terri runs down the stairs of the dorm. She runs into the television room where Verve is channel-surfing. Check this out. Five episodes of questions and interest are completely squandered in the following fifteen seconds. "My mom's coming. She takes five minutes away from the stage to come see me. Only I'm not me. I'm someone I invented to mess with her head to make her realize that she doesn't know me at all. That's why I did this. To get her attention. To make her notice." Verve asks if she thinks she'll notice. "She's self-centered; she's not blind." Verve tells her that if she gets "caught," she'll get "booted." Because Verve apparently is shackled to the Rawley Boys Dorm, he says, "And I'll never see you again." Terri tells him that her mother thinks she goes to Rawley Girls. Terri asks what she should do. "Enroll?" Verve offers. Terri looks off and remembers that she has to shave her legs. She runs off.

Now, if you add this scene with the final two minutes of the last episode, they completely ruined the entire Terri and Verve subplot in less than three minutes of tape. All of the fun in figuring out how someone was going to react when they found this or that out, all of the intrigue as to why Terri was dressing up (Was she heterosexual? Was she writing a story? Did anyone else know?) -- all fun has now stopped. And if Terri is doing this to make her mom realize she doesn't pay enough attention to her, then why does she have to hide it from her now? Wasn't this the entire plan? Is it just that she likes the school now? It can't just be Verve. Because she could still see Verve if she wasn't going to Rawley. Eventually they will both graduate from Rawley, like in a couple of weeks, when the summer session ends. She's just not going to tell her mom now? How hard was it to get into the Rawley school posing as a boy, anyway? Why am I still asking questions? It's like yelling into a cave. I'm sure I'll get the answer eventually, but it'll just fall down hard on my head and give me a concussion instead of entertaining me. Anyway, back to the "show."

Senator Calhoun (Scout's dad, who sorta skipped the stubble rule, but not the square head rule) knocks on Will's door. Will introduces himself. Someone shoved a stick in Senator Calhoun's ass for this scene. Hold on to something steady, people, because this be some crap-ass writing right here. Senator: "Oh, and it all comes rushing back. The kid who used to live in this room when I went to Rawley, he lived to torture me." Will: "Sounds like a real jerk." Jerk! Ha! And way to go judging people right away, Will. Nice expectations about the truth. Senator: "Yeah, he was. But after years of Ben Gay in my jockstrap, I uh..." Wait. He said "Ben," and then he said "Gay" and then he said "jockstrap." I love this dramatic pause here so we can assume that he must mean something deeper than "I learned to put my jockstrap away after I used it." And who was his old dormmate, Chet from Weird Science? Senator: "...I finally got him back." Will: "Nair in his shampoo?" Senator: "No, I whipped his butt in the '94 election." Will: "Ha. That's cool." Yeah, man, like, so cool. Senator Towniehump asks Will where he's from. Will swallows and admits that he's there on scholarship. The Senator makes some statement about it being difficult to get into Rawley on scholarship so Will has to go put on his hairshirt again.

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Young Americans




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