MØDƎЯN SKƎPTiȻ MAGAZINE

Girl Skeptic: "He did once say* the Catholic Church was very 'tight butthole' for resisting the Nazis before anybody else noticed they were Nazis."
Hank: "Did he say anything about a clock? Or standing on a clock for seventy years?"
Skeptikids: "Here's a picture of him from Life magazine I found."
Hank: "Is it helpful?"
Skeptikids: "No, we just found it."
Office Person: "If there were any magic Jesus clocks in here, they might be in his Exhibition of History Stuff, in the next building over."

*(My understanding is that this is actually not true either, so: Way to be skeptical, genius.)

POKER IN THE FRONT, EUCHRE (IST) IN THE BACK

Priests: "One thing Catholics like is gambling. Let's play five-card hold 'em and talk about secret societies."
Fr. Roc: "Have you guys ever heard of any secret societies?"
Priest: "No, because they are secret. Is this about you getting your throat slit in the pilot? Because that seems like an interesting story..."
Fr. Roc: "-- Good hang, fellow men of the cloth."

INSTITUTE OF EINSTEIN STUFF

FBI: "I guess White Vincent beat us here too, and got the clock."
Hank: "When will this episode ever end?"
Everybody: "Let's chill and find out."

HOLD UP I HAVE AN IMPORTANT MEETING WITH A LITTLE BOY

White Vincent: "Speaking Apocalypse Antichrist-to-Apocalypse Antichrist, I have something for you to write down in spooky backwards cuneiform."
Little Boy: "I thought this show needed more crap going on."
White Vincent: "Tell your mom or whoever, Amy Irving, that I have three clocks but not the Thing under the Cathedral yet."
Little Boy: (Writes it down; is smug and creepy.)

DISINFO.COM

Boy Skeptic: "Are you reading a website? I love websites!"
Other Streep: "Me too. They're my favorite kind of sites."
Boy Skeptic: "Other than porn, mine too."
Other Streep: "I have a gun, so."
Boy Skeptic: "Anyway, do you know Who is Albert Einstein?"
Other Streep: "Just another Jew with a chalkboard."
Boy Skeptic: "Whoa. Did you know that he wrote down the secrets of energy on that chalkboard, and then erased it as he was dying?"
Other Streep: "For a skeptic you are not that skeptical about things."