Zero Hour

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: A+
The Light The Heat

Dad: "Should we tell them we know that he is a doppelgänger? That seems like it might be relevant to what's going on. He was a holy man, he was a noble man, he was a Nazi officer. I'm a proud dad."
Mom: "Nah. If there were also constellations or locusts or watches or a Thing under a cathedral, or even just pirates, I would say maybe. But this just seems like your average clock-related wifenapping. We should totally keep this under our hats."


You know what this show needs? More shit going on. Like for example a little boy watching a TV through a store window -- you know, like how we're always doing that in 2013 -- and approving of the continually stronger signs of the Apocalypse that only Hank seems to be noticing.


I wish to know more cutesy awful barf things that the Gallistons did before Jacinda was so cruelly kidnapped from her perch within the golden cage of matrimony. Have at it.

Hank: "We would pull out random books from library shelves so that they spelled out nonsense phrases and then try to guess the nonsense phrases of each other's pulled out books. It was hilarious!"

It wasn't. But the important thing is, Jacinda left them another clue in the Phonebooks Section of the Princeton Book Museum of Library. And just in case you were feeling okay about all this:

Jacinda, verbatim: "Ugh, I know that look. That's your skeptic face."
Hank: "I just keep waiting. For the other shoe to drop."

Right, because she's hot and he's a chinless droning crank Nazi clone. So then the idiot makes them both take off their shoes and drop them on the floor, like as a symbolism of how shoes are like clocks or whatever, because when you're a Manic Pixie Dream Girl that's the kind of bullshit you get up to. Do you think every single time this happens to Jacinda she's like, "Finally I am a real actress and not just somebody's girlfriend or a person from The Real World and people will think of me as more than just a piece of cardboard with lips!" And then somebody has to sit her down and be like, "No, honey. You won't be tasked with acting or anything like that. We both know why you're here. I just hope you don't age or people are going to get real shitty, really fast."

Hank: "Anyway, I hear myself telling this story now and it makes me want to sit on a chainsaw. Only now, without my stupid wife to make me feel like a man, do I realize what a selfish moron I am. But hey, she pulled out some encyclopedias in a random order just like in our miserable, awful Kay Jewelry romance."

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Zero Hour




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