CANADA?

Pilot: "You mean right here in the middle of nowhere?"
Goose: "Of course I do! I brought a windbreaker, we'll be fine."
Beck: "I am in the FBI so I'm good too."
Pilot: "Okay, then I'll just leave you. On a polar icecap with no landmarks or rational reason to be here."
Goose: "We'll just wander around like tiny ants in a vast and unforgiving wilderness while this super old dude tells a super long story in Germany that is so crazy and nonsensical it will become riveting as it goes on."

BAVARIA

Norbert Peter Steinke IV: "To reiterate from a second ago, I made this clock. I put my Steinke on it, if you will, back when I was a hot young priest in spectacles and suspenders."
Skeptics: "So I guess you're a Rosicrucian? Like, they didn't outsource their clockmaking or anything?"
Norbert Peter Steinke IV: "These are matters you don't want to be involved with. Trust me."
Skeptics: "Then why did you already start telling us this boring weird story?"
Norbert Peter Steinke IV: "Okay fine. The Nazis are looking for the clocks again."
Skeptics: "Wait, there's like multiple clocks? I hate TV shows like that. So listen, what is New Bartholomew, on that map? What's in that location?"
Norbert Peter Steinke IV: "New Bartholomew isn't a place, you fucking idiot."
Skeptics: "Oh really? Because that's what maps are."

CANADA?

Beck: "This is the part where I point out this is stupid and now we are reaching the part where I say we're going to die."
Goose: "I guess my plan is now to wait for White Vincent to save us. He seems like a chill bro."
Beck: "Is it possible this whole thing makes no sense? Because it's looking mostly cobbled together from a random selection of illiterate comments on the Lost imdb page, from like 2010. PS, this is the part where I set you up to allay any criticism of the show by turning stupidity into a virtue."
Goose, verbatim: "According to him, it isn't supposed to make any sense."