Zero Hour

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Do The Reich Thing

"There were whispers [whisssperrrrrrs] that it was a secret the Nazis could never know, because the Nazis had figured out the first steps to eternal life. They had a way to render God irrelevant!"

Is it Russell Tovey's ass? I bet it's Russell Tovey's ass. Mission accomplished, gents.


Goose finds a submarine or something buried in the tundra and they check it out and guess what? New Bartholomew's frozen corpse is chilling out in there. And also but guess what? New Bartholomew is Goose.

White Vincent: "Do you know, Henry David Galliston, that you lived before? That you're just a shadow of the past, cast forward in time?"
Goose: "No but does that have to do with I just found my dead frozen body?"

He barfs, or should I say, "this is the part where he barfs," and it's awesome. I don't know why I was so impressed with that, usually I hate vomit for any reason, but like, Now? Now is 'the part where you just can't handle it'?


Norbert Peter Steinke IV: "The Nazis' reign ended, but the experiments didn't! And neither -- you know it! -- did the thing with those clocks. So now here's what you gotta do. You gotta find 'em. Gotta catch 'em all. Before the Nazis. Or else."

"A storm is coming. It will pit Science against Religion*, country against country. The whole world will be drawn up into this storm. It will be unholy, and like the world has never, ever seen before. And that storm is called...?"

*(Ugh, I just spewed New Barfolomew all over the tundra. Really? Will it really? Will it just "pit" them against each other? That sounds rough. But you know, if I don't have to look at Matthew Fox's stupid trashy woman-beating pointless shitty sinew of a face it'll be half as dumb, I guess. Half as dumb as Lost being, you know, still way too dumb to feel proud about, but at least this show has a shitload of magical clocks, which Lost had a lot of but not nearly this many from what I remember.)

Tsunami Tallullah? Tropical Storm Keanu? Hurricane Lady Miss Keir?


And I'm gonna be high as a kite by then. God willing. Or I guess Russell Tovey's Ass willing.


Goose deals with being a clone of a replacement of an Apostle. Beck watches him barf and wonders where she fucked up exactly in her life. Skeptic #1 believes some more things without a lick of proof, while Skeptic #2 does that but also pines for her and make a mixtape and pathetic but unrelenting sexual advances. Jacinda is secretly a ninja who can take care of herself, just kidding she fixes a clock. White Vincent and an assortment of random old dudes are like, "Have I told you a super weird story lately without a point or even an ending? This is 'the part' where I do that. Just like in your American movies."

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Zero Hour




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