Zero Hour

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
Do The Reich Thing

Goose: "I don't think that's a thing. This is the part where skeptic means we don't do that."
Girl Skeptic, fuckin' verbatim: "Now it's all about believing. You've just gotta believe."
Goose, even more horrifyingly: "After all this, she wants me to have faith."

This, if you were wondering, would be the moment that I turned on this show. Like a rabid animal, I said, "We have reached my personal line, and you have crossed it. You motherfuckers have crossed that line. Here and now."

Skeptics: "You've got two ways you can go. You can believe she's dead and quit, or you can believe she's alive and find her."
Goose: "No matter how much faith I have in this Schrödinger's Cat Wife you're imagining, I still don't see how either of those are actual options."
Boy Skeptic: "Think about it!"
Goose: "This should be good."
Boy Skeptic: "Remember that magic clock?"

And with that, Goose is back on board. Tears still drying on his cheeks, he goes from thinking his wife is dead to presuming she's alive, because sometimes you gotta believe and in those times, I guess, sometimes, it takes clocks.

Goose: "Sweet. Book me travel to New Bartholomew! Which is not a place!"
Girl Skeptic: "Three seats on the next plane to somewhere!"
Goose: "No, just one. You guys have to stay here and run our risible magazine."
Skeptics: "Aw, but we're so skeptical!"
Goose: "From recent history it seems I'm going to be doing everything I can to get everybody involved in this whole situation brutally murdered. Wouldn't you rather die in our opulent magazine offices?"
Skeptics: "Yes, but spoiler alert no."
Girl Skeptic: "Hold still for about ten minutes while I exhaustively describe your entire travel itinerary in shocking detail."


Beck: "Hey, why are you suddenly leaving the country in the middle of your terrorist wife's abduction by a terrorist? It looks fishy."
Goose: "What are you, the Federal Bureau of Investigations?"
Beck: "Well. Yes. But seriously why?"
Goose: "Because I like to do things my own way!"
Beck: "Guess what, so do I!"

They discuss this coincidence forever and ever.

Beck: "Real talk, though. I used to be a social worker but then my husband blew up."
Goose: "Why is that always how people join the FBI on TV? They're just like lunch ladies or social workers or random cops and then boom, I'm in the FBI. It seems like for such an important, cool deal that you would have like a career plan first."

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Zero Hour




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