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icebroods.jpgAnyone else watch Cool As Ice on HBO2 yesterday?  Show of hands.  ...Nobody else?  Not even a few minutes, just to see if it's as bad as you've always suspected?

 

I don't blame y'all for not admitting it even if you did watch it, but...I sat through the last half hour, just to see if it's as bad as I'd always suspected.  And it absolutely is.  It's terrible.  What's surprising is how apparently not terrible the script must have seemed, because in addition to non-master non-thespian Vanilla Ice, the cast features such TV luminaries as Deezer D (Malik from ER), Kristin Minter as the love interest (also an ER alum -- she played cranky desk clerk Randi, and she's unrecognizable as such in CAI, to the point where I thought it was actually Jennifer Connelly), Jack McGee (late of Rescue Me), and Michael "Steven Keaton" Gross.  Who also had an ER turn, now that I think of it, as Carter pere, but is cast here as Minter's father, and I have to give him credit -- it must have dawned on him relatively early in the filming that he'd signed onto a complete stinker, but he gives a hundred percent in all his scenes.

 

But spotting TV's lesser lights trying to make the mortgage is just about the only amusement offered by the movie, ostensibly a remake of/homage to Rebel Without A Cause that showcases the nadir of high-waisted-denim/floofy perm fashion, as the shoulder-pads-and-neon late '80s transitioned into the equally hideous rayon-pirate-shirts-and-flannel early '90s.  Vanilla himself is attired in the worst the era had to offer -- hugely oversized leather jacket with custom appliqués; checkerboard shaved into the back of his head; douchily angled baseball cap; ska shorts -- and cannot act even a little, but in some shots, you can see how he put his whole deal over, because even though he's dressed like a David Silver Edition Ken Doll and accessorized with a bright-yellow crotch rocket, he's still handsome.  Cheesy, but handsome.

 

And he seemed like an okay guy on Celebrity Bull Riding, at least compared to that asshat Nitro.

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