Dear TVGuide.com,

I cannot believe you seriously used the word "Jaters" in your scoop email today. I cannot believe it. I feel betrayed. You have gone over to the dark side. It's like you are dating Satan.

You are referring to Lost fans who enjoy the pairing of Jack and Kate. You are calling them "Jaters." You are in league with the people who say "LoVe." You are in league with the people who say "Gizzie." Let me repeat: you are taking your clothes off for the devil.

This is not okay. It is absolutely, positively not okay. I tooth-grittedly tolerated the advent of the word "shipper," because it allows people who want nothing from a show except to watch two specific people make out to segregate themselves from everyone else, and that segregation can be a good thing. But this is too much. Please. I would rather you started using "OMG" and "IMHO." I would rather you use "IKR," which I saw the other day for the first time, and which I understand to mean "I know, right?"

I would rather you wrote entirely in lowercase letters.

I would rather you used Comic Sans.

Stop the madness. Resist Lucifer's bewitching kiss. This is still supposed to be a civilized society, and we should have standards, and you are a real publication, and stop it right now.

Sincerely,
Miss Alli (through sobs)