Okay, now I understand much better after reading Sars's footnotes to Joe R's footnotes to my ball of confusion. And dude, when Frisco came back from Soundstageistan and found that Felicia was married to Colton...didn't she marry Colton in a blue bubble dress? I mean, didn't she? Why do I remember that? Who gets married in a blue bubble dress? I realize she was not a virgin, but she wasn't a virgin when she married Frisco, either, and she married him in that ivory lace thing while he was in his cop clothes and had that horrible spiky hair? What happened to his lovely girl hair from when he was first on the show? When he was in the band with John Stamos?

FROM MEMORY, PEOPLE.

When you mentioned him coming back with the strike beard, it reminded me of how he went to the club that (thanks, forums, for the reminder!) Terry Brock worked at, where she introduced him and he sang that song (thanks, forums, for the reminder!) "The Right Key" and Felicia sat right there while her weenie-ass husband was like, "[Cough.]" I'm telling you, when you're married to a dude who makes Jack Wagner look like Lou Ferrigno, it is time to rethink your situation.

And when I thought of Terry Brock, that made me think of my least favorite "mystery" story in GH history, which was where Terry showed up and had this Horrible Terrible Secret, and for, like, TWO YEARS (it seemed like), everyone was talking about her Horrible Terrible Secret, and there were the two brothers -- O'Connors! Hell! -- where the one seemed mean but was nice, and the other seemed nice but was mean? Anyway, they had all this information about her Horrible Terrible Secret, and when the Horrible Terrible Secret was revealed, it was that she walked down Main Street naked, singing gospel songs.

I swear to God, this was a real thing. She sang gospel naked, and this was the Horrible Terrible Secret for which we waited years. I'm not going to say that's any worse than the Grant Putnam/Andrews thing with Celia and the Rottweiler (I sense that I do remember the Rottweiler, but I don't remember its significance), but I don't think it was any better, either.

My brain is storing all of this instead of knowing where my keys are.