- People with "hilarious" accents singing super-sexy songs so that we can all imagine how hilarious it would be to have someone hit on us who doesn't even speak good English. Imagine how funny that would be!
- People declaring themselves to be past contestants reincarnated, particularly when their comparisons force me to admit that they are worse than people I didn't like in the first place. I do not want to use the sentence "You, sir, are no Taylor Hicks."
- People dressed like animals.
- People dressed like patriotic symbols singing the national anthem.
- People dressed like belly-button models.
- People who bring their indignant relatives, who are prepared to speak directly to Simon on their behalf.
- People who won't stop singing when they are asked to stop singing, particularly if they have to be removed by security.
- People who attend festivals of any kind in costume.
- Girls who think they sing like Mariah Carey.
- Boys who think they sing like Michael Jackson.
- People who audition in pairs.
- People who pretend to have serious personality disorders.
- People who actually have serious personality disorders.
- That song about looking in the mirror and seeing yourself.
- People who clearly did not look in the mirror and see themselves before auditioning.
- "Other door."
- People who lead with their severe illnesses that are possibly made up.
- People who needlessly flew thousands of miles to audition.
- People who audition more than once after appearing on the show as bad auditions.
- "Get Here."
- People whose behavior would not be tolerated by the police.
- People whose behavior would not be tolerated by Supernanny.
- People with stuffed animals.
- Paula Abdul pretending it's kind to tell delusional people to keep pouring money down the sinkhole of singing lessons.
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