Proof that God does, in fact, exist: Bill Cosby is auctioning off a sartorially superior collection of his FANTASTIQUE Cosby Show sweaters! I am crying tears of joy. You know how those smug Sex and the City writers are always professing that the city of New York was the show's fifth character and blah blah blah? Bill's sweaters far preceded that whole anthropomorphizing television phenomenon by about a fucking decade. Screw Rudy Huxtable, those sweaters were clearly the stars of that show. Anyway. Proceeds from the sale of three choice jumpers will benefit the Ennis William Cosby Foundation, a charity Bill founded in 1997 after his son Ennis was murdered. So the plan is, you guys pool your resources. My birthday is June 27th. OK? The bidding gets underway June 2nd and starts at $5000, which is really a small price to pay for my eternal happiness, don't you think?

Starz is adapting the 2004 Academy Award Winning movie Crash for the small screen, and while this project was announced a while back, the cast was finally announced today. And, well, it lacks a little star power. According to The Hollywood Reporter, some people named Luis Chavez, Arlene Tur, Ross McCall, Brian Tee and Jocko Sims will head up the cast.

Now, I've spent upwards of 2-3 minutes on the Starz official site today, and while that may not be an exhaustive investigation, I saw no evidence of any other series on their roster. This made me wonder several things, in the following order:

Some exciting casting news for Fox's Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles -- Garbage lead singer and all-around fabulous Scotswoman Shirley Manson will be a regular next season. According to The Hollywood Reporter, she'll play "Catherine Weaver, the CEO of a cutting-edge high-tech company." Ooh la la! Call me presumptuous, but methinks "cutting-edge high-tech company" probably translates to "evil cyborg factory" in the Sarah Connor universe, which is an exciting prospect. If that is the case, then might Manson be playing a sort of female Miles Dyson character? Miles Dyson with bright red hair, a Scottish accent and a Greatest Hits album? That's the sexiest thing I've heard all day.

Ever since the salad days of The Real World, MTV has staked a claim on bringing an ever-clamoring public some of the finest/dumbest reality programming ever to grace the small screen. So I'll be honest and divulge that their newly announced lineup, which includes the fifty billionth season of the Diddy travesty that is Making the Band and some shit about juvenile delinquents called Busted, left me sorta cold. The only show with any potential whatsoever is a to-be-named show starring everyone's favorite bullet-riddled rap impresario 50 Cent. As you might imagine, the premise will have to do with searching for the Next Big Rap Mogul. Creative, right? One wonders what the grading curve will be, and specifically what sorts of challenges the hopefuls will face to earn the title. I'm thinking less MC battles and more precision-shooting with a sawed-off shot gun. Whatever the case, I'm eager to learn about the finer points of -- what is it the kids are calling it these days? Oh right. "Hustling."

In honor of tonight's sure to be haunted and awesome 2-hour Lost finale, we thought we'd alert you to a video that's had us rolling in our cubicles all morning. From RavenStake via /Film, "Indiana Jones & the Mystery of the Lost Island" utilizes the time honored art of action figure theater. What would happen if Indy showed up on The Island to solve all the mysteries? I know the thought is keeping you up at night. You're welcome.

Yesterday I blathered on about how they could make an awesome Ugly Betty musical, and then today there's news that there is a Little House on the Prairie musical coming to a stage near you (well, if you happen to live in Minneapolis). Incredible. I'm already sitting here contemplating a trip to home of Mary Richards this summer, because I loved the Little House books (yup, I read!). When I was younger and adored the series with a passion... I still watch it sometimes if I'm home sick on a weekday. The best news is that Melissa Gilbert (aka Half Pint) is joining the cast playing Ma Ingalls, which is cool and wrong all at the same time.

Variety is reporting that A&E's Memorial Day premiere of The Andromeda Strain drew in a whopping 4.8 million viewers, making it the highest rated cable movie or miniseries so far this year. Yes, the year is still young, but the ass-kicker? 2.7 million of them were in the coveted 25-54 age demographic, which is a record for the network. Pretty impressive, considering it was Memorial Day and all those viewers were drunk and full of hot dogs. So why do intoxicated pork fans love The Andromeda Strain so much? We have a few theories.

So NBC has announced its new fall schedule, telling us when America's favorite shows -- including Heroes, The Office and 30 Rock -- will return, and when the new shows (Talking Car 2.0, Christian Slater vs. Evil Christian Slater) will debut. But my attention is zeroed in on one date: October 3. That's the night I get my Life back. I loved the first (short) season of the show, in which Damian Lewis (Band of Brothers) returned to the police force after 12 years in prison for a crime he didn't commit, and can't wait to see how he applies his Zen philosophy to a full second season. Got 8 hours? Watch the first season, starting with the first episode, after the jump.

How the hell have I never seen this show before? I mean, I don't watch all of the shows on Fox Reality, but I love all things Nigel Lythgoe related (I worship him on So You Think You Can Dance), so I can't fathom how this one slipped past my radar. Lythgoe and Ken Warwick (Idol executive producers) have a series that follows their purchase of a Vineyard (which apparently has been a dream for the best friends and former dancers). The series has the best name, Corkscrewed: The Wrath of Grapes, and shows the trials and tribulations of the rich and famous, and also features some other familiar faces, Simon, Randy and Ryan. It's basically insane and big on hyping all their other shows. It starts a little slow, but damn, I'm working my way though the episodes now and I'm hooked. I've so got other stuff to be doing... but I can't help myself.

There's been buzz about a musical episode of Ugly Betty for ages now, and the show even centered a whole episode around the Broadway production of Wicked but now there's talk right from the gossipy queens mouth. Michael Urie (aka Wilhelmina's bitchtastically gay assistant Marc) has been spreading the word that there could be an actual staged production of Ugly Betty heading towards Broadway, with singing and dancing and transvestites and fashion and magic and puppies or whatever. Urie even delightfully naively expressed hope that the cast -- who have a mixed amount of theater experience (Vanessa Williams rocked in Into the Woods and America Ferrara in Dog Sees God, an off-Broadway stage production of a twisted Peanuts cartoon) -- would star in the staged version. This is the most insanely awesome thing I've heard since they announced they were making a live-action Tetris game show.

Now this is what I called being prepared. Joss Whedon loyalists are tired of being burned by Fox who caused Whedon's Firefly to go down in a blaze of glory by pulling it off the air in its first season. The devotees have banded together in support of Joss's new midseason (as in January 2009!) series Dollhouse which also stars awesome Buffy alum Eliza Dushku. These crazies, er, fans are campaigning harder than Hillary Clinton, and arranging viewing parties and creating at cult-like buzz about a show that no one has even seen yet! Part of me admires these nut jobs, er, fans for using the power of the internet to support their favorite TV guru, and since the clips of this show that were shown at the Fox upfront look kick ass, they shouldn't be disappointed by the series when it eventually airs.

Ali Lohan isn't the only celeb sibling with a reality show - Matthew McConaughey's brother, Rooster, is set to star in a series called Black Gold for truTV. The show, from the producers of Deadliest Catch and Ice Road Truckers, will follow Rooster and a team of drillers as they race to find oil in Texas. Because it's 1850. Basically, think Dirty Jobs meets Jed Clampett.

If the latest slate of upcoming game shows is any indication, it seems producers are taking that age-old adage "The nerds shall inherit the earth" to heart. I paraphrase of course. Suits are embarking on a furious no-dorks-left-behind campaign to pander to the ever-growing and ever more powerful demographic. No longer satisfied to mine Japan's bizarro genre of kamikaze slapstick (as evidenced in the forthcoming -- and hysterical looking Wipeout and the creatively titled I Survived a Japanese Game Show), networks are looking to low-tech but beloved video games to inspire the next generation of mindless reality-based programming. The recent announcement that there will finally (!?) be a U.S. version of the global sensation (!!??!!?!?!???!) Human Tetris is proof that we are embarking on a bizarre and prodigiously geeky journey into the world of physically competitive dweeblings. And there is No. Turning. Back. Gaming purists and minimal synth fans alike are undoubtedly pooping their collective pants while simultaneously beginning a rigorous regimen of calisthenics in an effort to increase their odds of landing an audition. According to the folks at New York Magazine's Vulture blog, Fox is already beginning castings for the American rendition of the small-screen competition, which will be titled Hole in the Wall and will, if the international editions of the show are providing the model -- consist of bodysuit-clad contestants attempting to squeeze themselves through funny-shaped cracks in a moving wall. Just think of the skill required! Since the Vulture dudes beat me to the punch in suggesting a litany of other potential game shows based on vintage games (Super Mario Brothers and Pac-Man), I'll leave you with one word and one word only: Pong.

As I mentioned in my post about the CW upfronts, the network has decided to basically lease space on Sunday nights. So while Dawn Ostroff and her two holograms babbled on about the how they were axing wrestling from the lineup in order to have a more cohesive network (read: everything is exactly like Gossip Girl or Top Model), this newly released lineup from MRC (Media Rights Capital) pretty much blows that out of the water. The lineup, which really could be on a completely different network, features shows geared towards older women (like in their 30s instead of 20s) and are all pretty much being created on spec without any pilots. This isn't unheard of in this strike-riddled season, NBC is doing it with their big non-Knight Rider pilots, but these also don't have any big names currently attached to them either. Not to say that these couldn't have potential, they conceivably could, but it is a very unorthodox way of making shows to fill up an entire night of programming, to say the least.

I must be a glutton for punishment, or really just in need of a good cry, because I'm watching the season finale of House again. I would like to make it clear that I don't cry at TV shows frequently. It really takes a lot, but there was something so poignant and heartbreaking about this particular episode that I just caved to the watery eyes and grabbed some tissues. Sara M does a fabulous job of recapping the entire episode, but if you haven't seen it, I highly recommend watching the episode below before you read about it. Even if you aren't a big fan of the series, your heart might melt just a little bit, as the show takes a break from its typical procedural style and goes out on a limb with a trippy concept. Oh, and if nothing else, check out Anne Dudek in that fierce red pantsuit, she looks freaking amazing. I'm totally jealous. Best thing that ever happened to Cutthroat Bitch, aka Amber, was for her not to get the job working for House, so she could wear fabulous clothes and not be stuck in a white coat or scrubs all the time.

A ton of new TV casting news has come out, and you won't believe who's coming to your television! First off, Hellboy himself, Ron Perlman, will be joining the cast of FX's new series Anarchy, where he will play the president of an outlaw motorcycle club that protects its California town from drug dealers and corporate developers. He replaced Scott Glenn, who played the part in the pilot, when the show became more of a dark comedy. Other movies Ron Perlman should replace Scott Glenn in: The Hunt for Red October, The Silence of the Lambs and Backdraft. A little Ron Perlman makes everything better!

Finally, the Boy Scouts can reconcile their dedication to exploration and community service with their burning desire to be on reality television. In a new series slated for the Outdoor Channel, most of whose shows involve shooting at things, the Boy Scouts of America and and Boys' Life magazine will team up to produce the show Scouting for Adventure, Presented by Boys' Life. The six-episode series will follow Scouts as they explore the wilderness and learn outdoor skills and teamwork at Scout camps across the country.

File under: Unbelievably Retarded Ideas. And while you're at it, you might as well cross-list it under Wildly Inappropriate Children's Programming. According to Variety, Fox is developing The Life and Times of Jimmy Jaxx, a cartoon based on the life of well-endowed, former wife-beating drunk Tommy Lee. See? Told ya. The cartoon will be loosely (and for the sake of all that's good and pure, I hope it's really really loosely) based on the life of the Motley Crue drummer as he experiences the duality of being a dad and simultaneously living the lifestyle of a famous rock-star. Lee himself will be voicing the main character. Oh, and did I mention that the show will feature talking tattoos that come to life and function as Jimmy's evil conscience? Yeah. The show's writing staff went straight to the source to come up with some zany plot lines for the half-hour 'toon. "He told us some great personal stories, like the time he filled a bathtub up with Cherry Icees for his kids," writer Michael Davidoff told Variety. "He didn't expect that they'd end up being dyed red." How... adorable? All I'm saying is nobody better get all uppity and threaten lawsuits when a sex tape that shows Jimmy Jaxx and Stripperella getting frisky on a yacht starts to circulate on the internet. Mkay? Cause y'all were asking for it.

There are many that are lamenting the cancellation of Miss/Guided. I am not one of them. In fact, while I am adore Judy Greer, the series got on my nerves towards the end and I couldn't even finish watching the cringe-worthy musical episode. It literally made me groan in pain. That's never a good sign and Judy's so much better than that. I am clearly not the only one who thinks so. The perky often sidekick has landed a sweet new day job on Barry Sonnenfeld's HBO pilot Suburban Shootout, which is sort of like Desperate Housewives but, you know, funny... hopefully. According to the description, Judy finds herself caught in between "two rival gangs of homicidal housewives." Which I imagine might go something like this:

Anthony "Hot-pants" Bourdain is returning as a guest judge for tonight's ep of Top Chef and my loins are quivering in anticipation. In order to work myself up to foxiness onslaught in baby steps, I've been sampling Bourdain morsels throughout the day. I happened upon this little tidbit, in which, among other things, Bourdain discusses his selectivity about the TV gigs he accepts and describes how he's been approached by producers for a wide range of bizarre reality show opportunities, including -- I'm extrapolating here -- The Surreal Life. Can you imagine? He would have made Vern Troyer into a roast! Mini-Me Sous Vide you guys! But the best (i.e. worst) part of this clip is the interviewer chick, who is so thoroughly earnest and pseudo-professional that she makes me want to straight smack her in the overly articulate face. She does that annoying thing where she pronounces Tony's last name all French-ish. Seriously, die. Although if I'm being honest, I am probably (definitely) just jealous. Had I been in her shoes, I likely wouldn't have managed to say anything even remotely intelligent, opting instead to stare at his mouth and giggle. So semi-props I guess.

Oh Dick Wolf, what would a world without you look like? Where would we be without your deft interpretations of lurid tabloid dramas and celebrity dust-ups? Without that masterful way you have of weaving narratives loosely based on real events so that in our collective memory, we draw just as often from the truths you invent as the one supplied by the New York Post, US Weekly, et al? For tomorrow night's L&O season finale we get yet another ripped-from-the-headlines tale, this one owing its plot to the recent Spitzer/call-girl fiasco. It was only a matter of time, you realize. I wonder how literally the show's gonna take this puppy. The governor is played by the fully follicled Tom Everett Scott, rather than a balding Spitzer look-alike, but are we still going to have to suffer through scenes of him going to town on his special lady friend while sporting classy black dress socks? Le shudder.

Heroes fans still saddened by the death of pixie-ish Eden McCain in Season 1 will rejoice at the addition of a new evil pixie to the cast of Heroes. (No, Kristen Bell and Hayden Panettiere are not pixies, they're vixens. Get it straight.) Brea Grant, who briefly played a love interest on Friday Night Lights, will be joing the cast in Season 3 as a super-fast villain. I would tell you what her name was on FNL, as well as who she dated and why they broke up, but my love for funny sports movies does not extend to overly serious sports TV shows. Sorry.

Gods Frakkin' Dammit. Those were the words that literally came out of my mouth when I read the news this morning that Katee Sackhoff was going to be doing four episodes of Nip/Tuck next season. I'm thrilled that Starbuck has another big gig since BSG's coming to an end (though I can't really talk about that... still in denial). However, this news is good for her, but bad for me because now I've got to start watching Nip/Tuck again.

Toby's gone. Amy Ryan braves Dunder-Mifflin. Kevin is special. Michael's going to be a daddy... sort of. Andy steals Jim's thunder, but Dwight makes that alright. Ryan gets busted. Let's just say if you didn't watch The Office finale, you need to. Right now. While it wasn't as surprising as the JAM kiss, it had its ups and downs and freakin' Jenna Fischer rocks it out of the park. Watch the full episode in all it's glory after the jump.

Again, I'm watching another upfront from the comfort of my desk chair. It really isn't all that bad... though it does mean no party and no mingling with stars, but I'll live. While CW apparently is becoming all lifestyles of the rich and famous, Fox seems to be just about action, Idol and some more action. Which works. If it ain't broke...

So I didn't get invited to CBS's big swanky upfront at Carnegie Hall. Which is fine since I probably would have ended up in the fourth balcony and I get wicked vertigo at that place. But I did get to watch the event from the comfort of my own desk (and thank god, because it was really long) via a satellite stream. Nice! Or well... parts of it were nice. Parts of it were downright tedious, but again, this is aimed at the advertisers so clearly I'm not the target demo for this.

After the obligatory intros from high-ranking execs and Les Moonves talking about all of the different aspects of CBS (We've got outdoor marketing! We're interactive! We're not just for old people any more!) They bring out Craig Ferguson. Let's just say, I'll take Jimmy Kimmel making fun of NBC any day instead of Craig Ferguson's lame attempts at jokes. I mean, he's talking about New York smelling like urine. Really? Then he talks about billboards. I think he might be missing some of the lines on the teleprompter... or reading them after the images come up on the massive screen. Hard to tell.

You couldn't make this shit up if you tried: MTV has developed a new reality show called Exiled! that cherry-picks eight of the most obnoxious ass-faces from their series My Super Sweet Sixteen and sends them away to a variety of third world nations for a "reality check." Guess the girls on this show are too young to have embraced the concept of "slumming it" yet and/or have not yet discovered the rich-kid rite of passage that is the Peace Corps. Then again, the idea here is not to help communities in need, but to rehab a gaggle of bratty girls and break them of their silver spoon habits. You know, the important stuff! At least we can rest easy knowing the answer to that age-old question of what to get the girl who has everything. A case of dysentery! Based on the clip (courtesy of Jezebel's Slut Machine), the privileged tweens will trek to remote destinations like Thailand and Peru and contend with elephant poop, altitude sickness, mosquitos and live chicken slaughter while earning the (justified) loathing of their patient host-families. Is it just me or is this starting to sound like advertising copy for an eco-tourism pamphlet?