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The Three Stooges

by Angel Cohn May 9, 2008 4:00 pm
The Three Stooges

A couple weeks ago I was watching TV with my mom and I had a great idea for a reality show but I got lazy and never wrote anything up. It involved three of the dopiest guys currently on reality television, Jason Castro from American Idol, Mark Simmons from Top Chef and Erik Reichenback from Survivor: Micronesia. At that point, I just loved how they all had the same laid back and chill vibe about them, they were all fairly attractive in that cute little puppy kind of way and they just made me laugh. Now with in the span of a week, they've all been axed from their respective shows in such ridiculous ways that I kind of want them together because that much dumbness in one place has to make for some fascinating TV. Come on, like The Hills is so deep. I just want to see these three guys living in a house together and see what the hell happens, if anything, or if they just can't exist out in the real world. Now is the perfect time for them to get together and make my reality dreams come true.

Originally I wanted Mark on my fantasy series because I adored his shaggy hair and New Zealand accent (I'm such a sucker for that accent... don't even get me started on Lord of the Rings or Flight of the Conchords). I thought he'd be fun to have around, and well, at least the boys wouldn't go hungry and he seemed resourceful, creating his own fun "hot tub" with Spike. Then he started trying to feed curry to little kids (because that's what he makes for his lady when the budget is tight). I was willing to forgive that because, you know, cultural differences or what not. Maybe that's what pre-teens scarf down if they live down under. But then he went and picked a fight with Tom Colicchio. Mark started griping that the reason that he was in the bottom was because Tom didn't like him. Oh, Mark. That's not it at all. Tom may be hard on you... but that's because he's a judge... that's what he's supposed to do. And if you serve the big guy some fucked up food, you are going to get called on it. Especially if you don't take the time to taste it. Anyway, now I'm not entirely sure Mark wouldn't give the other guys food poisoning by accident, but since Tom promised to have a beer with him, I see this series first potential "very special" guest star.

Then there's Jason Castro. Those eyes. Those dreads. Jason just won me over with his soft Jack Johnson-esque voice and his interviews. Good God, his interviews were the best part of Idol this whole season. The big goober will be the comic relief of my show, if he can make the effort to get out of bed. I mean, what kind of person tries to get kicked off of the biggest show on television. Not sharpest tool in the shed, that one. And his exiting comment to Ryan about not wanting to do three whole songs? Ugh, that's just plain old lazy. He's never going to survive on tour. But, he's still pretty. Damn him. Since I just mostly want to stare at him and watch him laugh about nothing, I think he'd be just fine in my dream cast. And can't you just see him begging Mark to make him something to eat when he has the munchies?

Lastly I'd want to include Erik Reichenbach from Survivor: Micronesia. His shaggy Leif Garrett hair caught my eye, but then this diehard Survivor fan proved he had some skills, or something, by befriending/worshipping Ozzy and laying low to become the last man standing. For a minute I thought this ice cream scooper (yup, that's his occupation) was secretly smarter and more scheming than he seemed. But then, oh I can barely even believe it still, he went and made the most moronic move in Survivor history. He trusted the wrong person and gave up his immunity to a girl. This is way worse than Ozzy or James not using their immunity idols. This is low-down, I can't believe that someone who claims to be a fan of this game would be so gullible as to trust Cerie and her minions not to vote him out. Didn't he see Cerie play the first time? Did he miss that season while he was busy at the Baskin Robbins??? He lost his shot at the million bucks, and what's he going to go back to doing, serving up cones the Cold Stone for $7 bucks an hour? He needs this opportunity to redeem himself, and he'd give Mark or Jason the shirt off of his back if they needed it. Plus, he knows how to survive without a lot of supplies, so he'd be OK if they couldn't afford groceries.

So that's it. That's my big dream reality show. Mark, Jason and Erik together making sweet music, tasty eats and getting a bit of redemption while hanging out. Hell, they can even film it at my house, because I could use a laugh. New Jersey is lovely this time of year. Network executives, you can thank me later.

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