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When Fiddy Stops Being Polite

by Lauren Gitlin May 29, 2008 4:37 pm
When Fiddy Stops Being Polite Ever since the salad days of The Real World, MTV has staked a claim on bringing an ever-clamoring public some of the finest/dumbest reality programming ever to grace the small screen. So I'll be honest and divulge that their newly announced lineup, which includes the fifty billionth season of the Diddy travesty that is Making the Band and some shit about juvenile delinquents called Busted, left me sorta cold. The only show with any potential whatsoever is a to-be-named show starring everyone's favorite bullet-riddled rap impresario 50 Cent. As you might imagine, the premise will have to do with searching for the Next Big Rap Mogul. Creative, right? One wonders what the grading curve will be, and specifically what sorts of challenges the hopefuls will face to earn the title. I'm thinking less MC battles and more precision-shooting with a sawed-off shot gun. Whatever the case, I'm eager to learn about the finer points of -- what is it the kids are calling it these days? Oh right. "Hustling."

I had the pleasure of interviewing Mr. Half-Dollar once upon a time -- his symphonic masterpiece "I Get Money" is also my ringtone -- and I'm here to tell ya that despite a rather rough exterior, homeboy is both charming and whip-smart. I'd venture to say I'd totally bone him. He's successfully branded himself as a gangsta with street cred AND a delicious acai-spiked sports beverage. That is no small feat. If anyone can advise our youth on how to successfully make the leap from slinging crack rock to... um, bathing in pure liquid gold or whatever the fuck it is that really rich people do, it's Curtis Jackson. My point, people, is that my long deferred dreams of becoming a hip hop star might finally come to fruition. And I'll have Fiddy to thank. MC Gittles: Bigger Than Hova. You heard it hear first.

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