June 2008 Archives
Holy bleep! Gossip Girl spin-off you guys. According to The Hollywood Reporter, the show's creators are in the midst of developing a new series that will likely be based on Taylor Momsen's Jenny Humphrey character, who, in the book series, packs off to boarding school after one too many vain attempt to fit in with the cool kids. I never read the sub-series It Girl on which the new show is said to be based, so I don't know where said boarding school will be located, but assuming it's in a rural area, which many a schmancy Eastern boarding school is, expect the kids to engage in some creative forms of recreation. I went to boarding school my senior year in the middle of bumble-fuck Michigan, and I think it's safe to say that what happens in these bizarre hormone-drenched microcosms is just as wacky, if not wackier than the shit that goes down within the world of privileged city kids. In fact, I fully expect it to be GG on steroids -- eating disorders, gay (and Gay 'Til Graduation) characters galore, and drug use that I'll be charitable in describing as "innovative." (Ever huffed Glade? That's what happens when you're 500 miles from the nearest pot dealer.)
Hang on to your hats, people. Or should I say, hang on to your cats
because Think Like a Cat is coming your way
, and it could win a cat lady near you one million dollars! Created by Meow Mix and airing on GSN not soon enough, the show will test cats and their owners in a grueling four-round game that includes things like a cat food eating contest (for the cats, not the humans, but that would be good too), cat-related trivia (for the humans this time), a portion in which the humans predicts their cat's reaction to different, trying situations, and a final "Meow Mix Million Dollar Challenge" which requires the humans and cats to match up symbols hidden in Meow Mix bags as a team. If they can do all this, the human and cat take home a million damn dollars! I'm speechless.
Are you a king-sized douchebag? Congratulations! You will eventually be given your very own show! The Hollywood Reporter broke the news
that Brody Jenner -- whose sole accomplishment up to this point has been successfully riding the coattails of his 1) dad 2) quasi-ex-girlfriend and 3) step-sisters -- will be starring in a new MTV competish-cum-reality show called Bromance
, which, based on descriptions, sounds like a hybrid of Entourage
and A Shot At Love with Tila Tequila
. Contestants will face challenges and compete to become a part of Brody's totally rad posse. At the end of each show, there will be a Hot Tub Elimination Ceremony. I wish I were making this up. As the show's name might suggest, there is some seriously homo-erotic subtext going on, but I'm sensing, based on the major fuckwad vibes that effectively emanate from the Brodster's person, that it's of the Cat On A Hot Tin Roof
/wrestling/frat boy variety. That is, latent and volatile and mean-spirited and potentially violent. Think forcing potential "bros" to drink pee and taping their asscheeks together. Brody, sweetie, did you learn nothing from the colossal failure that was Princes of Malibu
? Let me spell it out for ya: We don't give a shit. Go away. Kthxbye!
With word that Fox has secured the rights to adapt the Canadian series Little Mosque on the Prairie
for American audiences in an effort to, as executive producer Mary Darling puts it, "bridge cultures and bring peoples' guards down," we thought we'd suggest a few additional sitcom ideas that may bring us all a little closer together. Feel free to build shows around these free of charge, show biz mucky mucks!
I think we all can agree that Lisa from Top Chef
is one of the most unpleasant human beings ever seen on television. But as if her whining, bitching, backstabbing and general lack of basic social skills weren't annoying enough, it turns out the chef who's had her ass handed to her at the judges' table more times than anyone else this season has the audacity to be, of all things, an elitist. When asked by the NY Daily News
if she's been following the online coverage of TC
, she had this to say:
"Oh no, I don't read the blogs -- you couldn't pay me to read the blogs. I don't want to know what people who can't even afford to eat in my restaurant, let alone know how to cook have to say about me, and the few comments I did read on Eater.com a few weeks back because my job asked me to read 'em. The best they could come up with was that I was ugly."
It is rare that a show completely escapes my radar, especially scripted series, but somehow I never knew that Manhattan, AZ, a comedy that aired on the USA Network in 2000, existed until today. Thanks to the wonder of the internet this short lived series, which had eight episodes, lives again for those of us who missed it (which I'm guessing was pretty much everyone.) This dry comedy is a little hard to describe. Basically Daniel Henderson (Played by Brian McNamara, who you may know from such shows as Army Wives and so many guest starring roles I can't even begin to type) stars as an undercover transvestite cop, who heads out of the big city to become a small-town sheriff after his wife dies in a diving accident. There's potential aliens, a very disturbing funeral, a son with a weight problem, pets with missing legs, oh, and Mindy Sterling (love her!). The best part of the entire episode though is the PSA at the end about how now animals were harmed during the making this. Brilliant. Anyway, check out this lost "gem" for yourself and get a laugh or two... its at least something to keep you entertained this summer.
VH1 has announced plans for a reality show called Scream Queens, in which the network will put a group of 10 unknown actresses through a series of challenges in hopes of finding the next great horror actress. It's a search for a less '70s-y Jamie Lee Curtis, if you will. The winner will get a "major" role in a Lionsgate horror film, "major" most likely meaning hot girl who gets to die last because she's dumb but still hot.
The recruiting process for a show like Celebrity Rehab
is much more discriminating than you might imagine. Like The Surreal Life
and other reality shows of its ilk, CR
requires a very specific mix of celebrities who fall into precise pop culture-based categories. The more a categories a celeb belongs to, the more incentive, to my mind, there is to cast him or her (and the more likely he or she will be to provoke all manner of drama on the show). Taking cues from last season's diverse lineup, I've devised a crib sheet of pre-req's that stars must satisfy to be eligible for the show from here on out.
TAGS: Aaron Carter
, American Idol
, Bobby Brown
, Brigitte Nielson
, Celebrity Rehab
, Daniel Baldwin
, Dennis Rodman
, Dr. Drew Pinsky
, Heidi Fleiss
, Jason Davis
, Kirsten Dunst
, Lil Wayne
, Lily Allen
, Paula Abdul
, Ricco Rodriguez
, Sebastian Bach
, Seth Binzer
, Steven Tyler
, Tatum O'Neal
, Verne Troyer
I'm not kidding. If Danny Bonaduce, Screech, Dennis Rodman, the girl who played Tabitha on Bewitched
and Frank Stallone getting into a ring and wrestling each other on national television for cash doesn't signal the end, I don't know what does. Oh, and did I mention that Hulk Hogan is hosting? Because he is. Hulk Hogan's Celebrity Championship Wrestling airs this fall. On CMT
, where it belongs.
that cancer-stricken Roadhouse
vet Patrick Swayze will star in a new TV series called The Beast
. Alas, the show does not, as the name might imply, fall into the sci fi genre. (Swayze with tentacles!?). Nor will it be a re-imagining of the Beauty and the Beast fairy tale in the manner of the Linda Hamilton-helmed late-Eighties TV masterpiece of the same name. (Swayze with a cleft palate and furry face?!). Instead, it will follow the trials and tribulations of a renegade FBI agent and his straight-laced partner. (Swayze with a badge and a bad attitude.) Yawn. The good news is that the green-light portends a clean bill of health for the actor, whose diagnosis of pancreatic cancer back in March seemed bleak as fuck. Being deeply involved with an on-going TV project doesn't guarantee that Swayze's out of the woods, but one would think that if he was getting ready to sing his swan song, he'd opt for something a bit more prestigious ... Like, say, a re-imagining of the Beauty and the Beast fairy tale in the manner of the Linda Hamilton-helmed late-Eighties TV masterpiece (see above).