MTV "We're Gonna Start Playing Videos for the First Time in 10 Years, We Swear" Networks has announced yet another Hills spin-off. L.C.'s buddy Whitney Port is going bi-coastal for the show, most likely because she mistakenly thinks that's something that turns frat boys on, and moving to NYC to work for a PR company. Says "an insider", "There will be more blondes in the city than you ever expected!"

So a little while ago I ripped on Starz's television adaptation of Crash for being a stupid idea with a no-name cast. While I still think turning that movie into a TV show is a stupid idea that I'm dreading having to watch, it appears that Dennis Hopper has swooped in at the last minute to save the series. The film icon is set to star in the series as Ben, an aging record producer looking for his next big hit. Am I insane, or does that sound like a character Hopper has played a million times before but still awesome, all at the same time? I'm sure he'll be snorting a lot of coke, drinking a lot of whiskey, wearing a leather jacket in every scene and, hopefully, kicking a lot of ass.

Thanks to Videogum for hepping me to details of amazing forthcoming soap Sordid Lives, set to premiere in July on Logo. The gaystastic campfest, which is based on a cult play, will star Rue McClanahan, Beth "Sparkle Motion" Grant, Caroline Rhea, Olivia Newton-John (I know, right?!) and fag-hag par excellence Margaret Cho as a gaggle of trash-talkin', pill-,poppin', Tammy Wynette-lovin' Southern gals coming to terms with gayness all sorts. Based on the clip, I think VG has pegged the show perfectly as "Desperate Housewives meets Steel Magnolias meets a John Waters movie." In other words, pure perfection. Unlike the VG folk though, I am utterly confident that this show will completely and totally rule, despite the presence of Carson Kressly. Sordid Lives airs July 23rd on your Homo-Dial.

It's not often that the entire TWoP editorial staff gets invited to go out of the office together (probably for good reason) but someone at Bravo was crazy enough to invite us all to the taping of the upcoming A-List Awards. So we got all gussied up, and I do mean gussied, and headed down to the Hammerstein Ballroom in New York City for a swanky night of gawking at Project Runway and Top Chef stars, hovering around the open bar and waiting for a fight to break out between the Real Housewives of New York and Orange County.

Over the course of the last few years, Showtime has been working hard to shed its image as HBO's nerdy younger sibling. Like a pubescent high school girl who's evolved from tentative nerd (Angela Chase) to popular ho (Kelly Taylor) to reckless bad-ass who just don't give a fuck (Marissa Cooper), we've seen the channel blossom before our very eyes. They brought us The L Word and Queer As Folk -- because it's natural to experiment. Then came Weeds --- because everyone knows that drugs make you cooler. Then came the much-anticipated Secret Diary of a Call Girl. Because everyone loves a slut. And just yesterday it was announced that the premium channel has picked up United States of Tara, a new comedy series penned by tattooed It-screenwriter Diablo Cody about a woman with dissociative identity disorder. Because if we learned anything from Britney, it's that mental disorder is the new black.

Hey comedy nerds, guest what! Jeffrey Tambor and Gary Cole have joined ABC's crime family-gone-straight pilot, Good Behavior. Veronica Mars and 90210 creator Rob Thomas will executive produce, while Christopher Guest regular and (woman I most wish would adopt me) Catherine O'Hara will play the family's matriarch. Rounding out the rest of the cast is DJ Qualls, Eddie Kaye Thomas and a slew of newbies.

So you were thinking that you were going to have to wait until September 22 to see the next season of Heroes and wash the taste of Season 2 out of your mouth? Well, NBC is rolling out some new Heroes shit this summer. That's right, it's a karate chop.

Guess who watched simulated oral sex before her morning coffee just to bring you an incisive write up of Showtime's new Secret Diary of a Call Girl (premiering June 16th)? That's right, me. Myself and several other TWoP editors gathered round the tube to watch the first episode of the randy British show, which we've since re-dubbed Man Ass due to its propensity for showing all manner of male backside [thanks to Zach for coining the moniker].

Here are some thoughts/predictions, in no particular order:

If all these new-fangled Japanese game shows are freaking you out at all, take comfort in this. The guy who brought you Who Wants to Be a Millionaire and Wife Swap is set to executive produce revamped versions of The Newlywed Game and The Dating Game for the Game Show Network. Yeah, because hearing people bitch about marriage and dating (Cheaters aside) is soooo entertaining.

On June 16, Cartoon Network's Adult Swim block will air the first episode of their newest show, Fat Guy Stuck in Internet. Well, technically it's not that new of a show. In a previous, lower-budget life, it was a Web series on Channel 102 called Gemberling (after the main character, as well as the actor who played him, John Gemberling). However, when they went to re-film the show for CN, and they were actually given money to make it look good, everyone decided that a newer, more descriptive name was required to grab the viewer. (Hey, it worked for Two Guys a Girl and a Pizza Place.) Which got us to thinking: What other shows could use more explanatory names?