First she brought us the beautiful be-wigged sore factory that is Jackie from Reno 911!, and now, Ms. Kerri Kenney-Silver has stepped up her whore comedy game and promoted herself to madam! And not just any madam -- a royal madam, thank you very much. Ladies and gents, get ready for Dame Delilah's Fantasy Ranch & Gift Shoppe, Nevada's most hilarious and regal fake bunny ranch! As a courtesy, I've rounded up a few do-not-miss Dame Delilah highlights after the jump, because I know none of you can resist a Charles Busch-esque hooker with real live lady parts and a strong background in sketch comedy work. Who could blame you? You're not made of stone!

A few things I've learned from the online series, Gaytown: 1) "Never get between a lesbian and her rickshaw," 2) "Two for one gingerbread martinis make people really rowdy," and 3) I'd go gay to live in this awesome town. Gay up your Thursday morning with a clip (complete with sound/homo investment advice!), after the jump.

I have a bone to pick with you, Sesame Street. I'll give you the Feist sing-along skit -- who can really eff with "1 2 3 4 Monsters Walking 'Cross the Floor"? And I'll most assuredly give you St. Neil as the Shoe Fairy because, um, genius? But what's all this celeb-courting, high-concept, vaguely inappropriate biznass of late? When you have Kim Cattrall invoking her sexed up cougar incarnation Samantha Jones in close proximity to Oscar's trash can, I can't help but wonder if things have gone a little too far. Playing up to the parents is nothing new -- cuz really, is a kid who doesn't yet know how to control his bowels gonna get a 30 Rock parody? -- but when we have Jonah Hill, who is known nearly exclusively for playing sailor-mouthed stoners, waxing poetic about mustaches that look like outtakes from a seventies porno, it's time to rein it the hell in. What sorts of values are we teaching kids when a talking cake tries to make out with Jessica Alba? US Weekly will have them in a death vice soon enough. Does the one unspoiled place where a kid can hang out with monsters and learn to tie his shoes in peace need to beat the trashy tabs to the punch?

Apparently the god of all cheesy teen shows of yore has seen fit to grant my fondest wish and put the Nickelodeon shows Clarissa Explains It All (which I just gleefully babbled about the other day) and Hey Dude on iTunes! There will be a bunch of other shows, like The Amanda Show, Rugrats (or as my 2-year-old likes to call it "The Babies"), Rocko's Modern Life (he's a wallaby) and Doug, available for download as part of Nick Rewind. I know what I'm buying myself for my birthday this year.

What did we do before random clips of things were available on the internet? Today I stumbled across this little "gem." It is a cartoon version of The Karate Kid that looks nothing like Ralph Macchio. It also looks nothing like Pat Morita, but apparently it is his voice. I never even knew this existed. And I was the person who listened to the "Glory of Love" vinyl 45 over and over and over again until the movies finally came out on VHS and then I watched them over and over and over again. I had a very strange childhood up in Maine. Apparently I was too busy enjoying reruns of the Dungeons & Dragons cartoon (my then favorite) to see this one. It is terrible, and the lips don't necessarily even match, but yet, I'm still oddly glad that the magic of the internet has provided such odd, forgotten things like this for me to watch while I am procrastinating doing anything like real work.

You know when you read a wacky news item that makes you think, "Hey! Is it April Fool's day or something?!" but it's totally not because it's July? That happened to me today when I read this Hollywood Reporter piece of nonsense about Freddie Prinze Jr. landing a mysterious behind-the-scenes job at World Wresting Entertainment. Yes, you read that right. World. Wrestling. Entertainment. Some quotes therein and what is wrong with them:

I know, every network has its own dance show and you're sick of it! I'm with you; I can't handle another elimination-based dance show. However, I am hooked on TLC's new dance show, where there is no elimination, no winner and no dance crews. Each week, choreographers Tabitha and Napoleon (who have hit the dance show trifecta by also doing choreography this season for America's Best Dance Crew and judging on So You Think You Can Dance) teach two couples their first dance as husband and wife.

I'm usually not one to get excited about special edition iPods, unless they are a really amazing color and then I'm tempted, but then I remember that I end up buying them and they are obsolete like a year later so don't spend my money on one that may still be cool and of my favorite band or whatever just to have it fall by the wayside when they invent a 160G one that holds entire libraries of CDs and all my videos and does my laundry too.

With that in mind, I'm still kind of tempted to get this Beverly Hills, 90210 Nano. At first I thought this was just a cheap ploy to get me to watch the new 90210 but when I saw it was old school 90210 I got excited. They are a bit more costly than your everyday ordinary iPods, but do your every day ordinary iPods have Brenda Walsh and Dylan McKay on them? I think not. Plus, you can get it engraved with things, which is nice if you wanted to give it as a gift. Like, "To the second biggest bitch ever" or "Peach Pit Forever" or something along those lines.

This past season of Dancing With the Stars was known for having the least enticing group of D-List celebrities to ever make it on the show. Yet with the show's incredible success, you think the producers could pull a few strings and bring in some real A-listers (or at least B-listers?) for its next season. Although ABC had not yet released next season's contestants, ExtraTV claims that Dan Quayle, as in former Vice President of the United States, "is on the short list of potential stars." Kim Kardashian, known entirely for her large derrière and Lance Bass, former N'SYNC star, are also rumored to be on the short list. Good Morning America will be the first to reveal the stars appearing on the show's next season. Who knows what would happen with a former V.P., a playboy cover girl and yet another boy bander in the lineup? I know I'd watch.

So there I was, sitting in a cab on the way to an appointment, watching the little news station on the taxi TV (we've come a long way, baby) when I see this commercial. I literally was like "What? You've got to be freakin' kidding me!" Which earned me kind of a strange look from the driver. Anyway, someone with corporate synergy on the brain has gone one step too far and come up with a commercial that promotes both The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor and the Olympics.