Well, not exactly. But I was present for a round table of sorts with Battlestar Galactica's most famous cylon about her new gig on USA's Burn Notice. For starters, Helfer confirmed she will be in a whopping seven (possibly eight) out of 16 episodes this season, so tonight's season premiere is no mere guest appearance. And aside from knowing she's generally scary and bossy, she doesn't know a whole lot about her new character yet. "To be completely honest, I really don't know much of Carla's back story. I do know that she was a spy, and that she is now the public face of the organization that burns Michael. So she is definitely in a leadership position, and, at this point, pretty much ordering Michael around." Poor Michael. That guy just can't catch a break.

In July, 2007, the Biography Channel announced that William Shatner would be given his own talk show, and the world froze. Babies stopped crying, birds stopped flying and dogs stopped licking themselves. Then nothing happened for over a year. Cut to today: the Biography Channel announces that Shatner's Raw Nerve will air on August 19. Nobody notices.

So it's official -- Chris "Mr. Big" Noth is leaving Law & Order: Criminal Intent, and will be replaced by Jeff "The Fly" Goldblum. I know, your head is exploding, right? It's the end of an era! The dude was on the original Law & Order from 1990-1995, then came back to CI ten years later! He's a, whaddayacallit, an edifice! Of course, Goldblum is no slouch. Not only was he a Jewish cowboy in Buckaroo Banzai and a cocaine dealer in Deep Cover, but he was actually a cop for seven episodes of 2007's short-lived Raines.

Victoria Jacoby, a young contortionist, swept away the America's Got Talent judges and audience and received a standing ovation. Watch as she twists and turns her body on a raised platform while the audience stares in disbelief. After a minute or so of suspenseful music, she ends up in an unusual position (see the clip below), whereupon she picks up a martini glass with her two feet, brings the glass to her mouth and drinks from it. Sure she looks to be about ten years old, but I'd gladly present this girl with an award. She has mastered the art of multitasking -- yoga and cocktails in one! Guess I can cross that off my list.

Showtime is teaming with Dexter producer Sara Colleton for Exterminators, a new series the good people at The Hollywood Reporter inform us is like "Six Feet Under in the world of pest control." Neato! (Though it did make me wonder -- which is grosser, dealing with insect infestations or embalming the dead? It's subjective, I suppose. I say embalming the dead, but spiders are admittedly really, really scary.)

Homo say what? I admit I've been distracted lately, but damned if I missed the news that Comedy Central is gonna be airing a revamped, millenial Gong Show entirely. I'm sorry readers, I feel I've failed you. I'm so late to the party on this that it seems the first episode is practically upon us! It airs July 17. Oh and apparently Dave Attell will be taking off enough time from his strenuous schedule of providing the voice of John Oates' mustache to tackle hosting duties. Well he ain't Chuck Barris (or Sam Rockwell, yum) but he'll do. At least we can all rest assured that the show isn't about to go all high brow in its new incarnation: the lovely Slut Machine over at Jezebel was kind enough to provide a very special clip from an upcoming episode in which the guest performer makes sweet music -- with her you-know-what. Best to watch this puppy in the privacy of your own home.

Hey, remember "The One Where a Bunch of People Were Spreading the Rumor That There Was Going to Be a Friends Movie"? Yeah, well, apparently there isn't actually going to be one. It was all a clever ruse. Stupid rumor mill!

Visitors to the Sol system's "City of Sin," Las Vegas, will have one less place to spend their hard-won gold-pressed latinum come this fall. The Star Trek Experience, a theme restaurant, museum and tourist attraction located in the Las Vegas Hilton dedicated to all things Star Trek, will close its doors on September 1, after 10 years of waiters in Klingon costumes. First the new Star Trek movie gets delayed, and now this? What kind of God would allow something like this to happen? Also, what does God need with a starship?

If you're a fan of the films of Edgar Wright and Simon Pegg (Shaun of the Dead, Hot Fuzz) -- and who isn't, really? -- then you've probably heard of the British TV show they collaborated on from 1999-2001, called Spaced, starring Pegg as a comic book artist and Jessica Hynes (nee Stevenson) as his roommate-of-necessity. If you've seen it at all, it's likely on a region-free DVD player, a VHS tape, YouTube or (gasp!) a bootleg DVD -- but no longer. Spaced will come out on a Region 1 DVD on July 22!

by Angel Cohn, a terrible poet, who doesn't watch The Bachelorette but has been forced to edit the weecaps all season.

DeAnna dear, it's time to choose,
Which bachelor will be denied,
Between these two beaus you just can't lose,
Though for us at home, this season has been refried.
Even though you've kissed and more
And come across like a whore
These last two months have been quite a bore.