The Telefile

TWoP 10 '90s TV Stars Primed for a TV Comeback

by Angel Cohn July 18, 2008 7:00 am
TWoP 10 '90s TV Stars Primed for a TV Comeback

Former Dawson's Creek cutie Katie Holmes made a big splash this week when it was announced that she'd be returning to the small screen in a guest role on Eli Stone. Her former co-star Joshua Jackson also landed a gig on the hopefully decent fall series Fringe. Not to even mention that practically the entire cast of 90210 is either heading back for the spinoff or adamantly denying that they are (they'll change their minds in a year.) Apparently everything old (well, 15 years old) is new again. Yay! Here are the ten people we'd really like to see back on the small screen in a nice juicy recurring role or guest gig.

1. Jessica Alba
Before she became Mrs. Cash Warren and moved to Sin City, she rocked our world in Dark Angel. She looked hot as hell as genetically engineered Max and we'd fully applaud her return to those tight futuristic pants. She'd be an awesome fit for Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles, playing someone sent from the future to kick some ass. She could reprise her Max role and join the cast of Kyle XY -- who better to understand a cloned bellybuttonless genius than a barcoded stamped gal trained to kill? They could be soulmates and take over the world. That would so make that show suck less. Hell, if she'd been available to be the Bionic Woman, that show might not have been cancelled.

2. Keri Russell
She's got a little bit of a fame boost lately with roles in Mission: Impossible III (with Mr. Katie Holmes), but we'd love our terrifically tressed Felicity to get her butt on over to the small screen, stat. She showed her comedy side a bit on Scrubs (on an unwatched season) but now it is time to return as a guidance counselor, say for those privileged students at Gossip Girl. All that advice she got from Sally needs to pay off. If she has a hard time getting on that show, we're sure old pal J.J. Abrams would love to have her play an alien on Fringe. She may have to go back to that weird short haircut she had during season 2 Felicity though. Then she'd be the perfect person from outer space.

3. Jessica Biel
This is one girl we'd love to see back, but in a role as far from her famed gig on 7th Heaven as humanly possible. Let's put this sexy chicky on Heroes because a girlfight between her and Ali Larter would just be so freaking incredible we wouldn't be able to contain ourselves. Sure there's way too many characters on that show already, but this is one more we wouldn't mind adding.

4. Mayim Bialik
So she's smart and like, we imagine the former Blossom star probably sits around with Wonder Years cutie Danica McKellar discussing how they squandered their youth on television, but Mayim has done stints on Curb Your Enthusiasm and Fat Actress, so now's the time for her to break back into the big time. She's kinda quirky, so we can see her sitting at Pushing Daisies' Pie Hole as a newspaper reporter on the prowl of a hot story, trying to figure out how Ned is able to make such magically delicious fruit-filled pastries, and why his P.I. pal is always hanging around when people die.

5. Ashton Kutcher
I can't believe that I miss the moronic Kelso, but I kinda do. And I don't want him to come back to punk people or stay behind-the-scenes matching up hot girls and dweebs, I want him front and center in all his dopey glory, and I've got the perfect show for him: Swingtown. He can stay in his groovy '70s clothing and use his body to woo the older ladies (something he's clearly got some practice in) and maybe even get into some swinging fun. He could actually make that show less skeevy and maybe more fun.

6. Alyssa Milano
Yeah, yeah, she's been on My Name Is Earl recently as the bad girl Billie, but we want her to have a real gig, a permanent TV gig, and we want that show to be all about Samantha Micelli. They can call it Who's The Boss, Now. It will be awesome and maybe we can get Mona to come back. We miss Mona. If not that, my other suggestion would be for a nice long-standing recurring role for her on Ugly Betty. I know, sounds crazy, but she could be a long lost Meade daughter, and she could team up with Claire (conveniently played by Judith Light) and it would be amazing. She could put both Daniel and Alexis in their places, and then Mona could come and help Claire with her sexy magazine for older ladies. All would be right with the world.

7. Elizabeth Berkley
Yes, she recently hosted that show about dancing. No, not the good one. Not the one with celebrities. Not the one that A.C. Slater hosts. The other one. The one no one watched. Anyway, if she can't get a gig on Secret Diary of a Call Girl giving Belle du Jour tips on how to be a stripper... which is clearly our first choice, we want to see Jessie Spano on Weeds. Because nothing is funnier than having Elizabeth Berkley singing "I'm so excited," while hopped up on caffeine pills. Plus, Weeds already sheltered former '90s kid Mary-Kate (or Ashley, hard to tell which) Olsen, so they must feel the nostalgia love too.

8. Jonathan Taylor Thomas
Mostly we just want to see how this former teen heartthrob turned out so that we can kind of laugh, and show the before and after pictures to the kids today who are obsessed with those little Zach and Cody trolls. But on the off chance that he inherited his former TV dad's "handyman" ability, he'd be a good fit for Chuck or Reaper. Can't you just see him kinda goofing around at the Buy More and helping to solve government issues or hanging out with Sock, messing up crap and fighting evil with a beer in his hand? Maybe that's just me.

9. Claire Danes
Never have I been sadder about a TV shows cancellation than I was about My So-Called Life. So I simply request this: bring back Angela Chase (and all her pals) and have them living life in a modern day version of thirtysomething (conveniently produced by the same people as MSCL). If they can bring Cupid back, certainly this is within the realm of possibility.

10. Melissa Joan Hart
I don't mean I want Sabrina back on TV. It took way too long for that show to die, and the fad of witches on TV seems to have passed for now. Try again with that one in ten more years. What I want is more of Clarissa. The optimistic young teen who had a friend who climbed a ladder into her room so they could talk about life without dealing with doors. Sounds like someone else we know. Dawson? Let's kill two birds with one stone here, by putting James Van Der Beek and his massive forehead with Hart and have them live in some pleasant seeming suburb where everything is all nice and people just leave ladders lying around. They could even be feuding neighbors whose kids are best friends forced to sneak around to hang out, until one day they are caught by Clarissa and Dawson, who decide to lock their windows at night to keep the kids safe, but hark! There's a sudden spark between these former enemies (I mean their sole argument was over the fact that Dawson brought peanut butter cupcakes to the bake sale and clearly Clarissa's kid has a nut allergy, what, was he trying to kill her kid?!) and they fall in love and become just like the Brady Bunch and decide to give their new kids ridiculous names (like their own) that will haunt them for the rest of their lives. Because who really names their kids Dawson and Clarissa anyway?




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