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The Telefile
And They Make Me Stay Up All Night

Here are the highlights from yesterday. (I was going to come up with a more clever intro, and theme, but I was up past 2 AM watching the men's gymnastics all-around final and that wasn't even me just padding on my DVR. That was for real. So I'm exhausted and lacking in cleverness. So highlights it is.)

She's Out! She's In! We're Just Really Excited!
I absolutely adore the unnatural enthusiasm of the announcers. When viewing last night's Women's 100 Freestyle, favorite Australian Lisbeth Trickett was seemingly shut out of the competition (someone in the second semifinal crushed her time) and the sideline guys just went wild. Shouting, "Trickett is out! Trickett is out!" repeatedly in utter disbelief. But then about the fourth time they said this, the winner of the second race, Jaiying Pang was disqualified and somehow Trickett was back in. They were slightly more subdued. "Trickett is in," just doesn't have the same ring to it.

The More You Know
Sometimes these little segments on the athletes are fascinating. Sometimes it would be better just to watch them swim. During the day they played a spotlight about goofy Ryan Lochte, about how he likes to skateboard and wear a diamond grill and I kind of decided I didn't like him as much as I did. Plus, he's got one of those Olympic ring tattoos, which are kind of the Olympic athlete tramp stamp equivalent.

Hi, Over Here, I Exist Too!
I've seen several interviews with Jason Lezak, he's the dude that came from behind to help the USA win their 4x100 freestyle relay, and he's always very gracious and happy to have won gold. But you can tell that he's sick of the inevitable, "What was it like helping Michael Phelps on his quest to win eight golds?" question. He was like, "I won gold for myself, bitch" to Cris Collinsworth, but in a nicer way. I was relieved that he won his first solo medal (a bronze) in the 200 M breaststroke. Now maybe some people will cut the guy some slack.

Overstatement of the Night
During the men's all-around gymnastics competition, Al Trautwig was talking about the even that people seemed to be having trouble with. His exact sentiment, "The Pommel Horse looks like Waterloo today." Yeah. I can't even...

How's That Guy Still Alive?
During the synchronized springboard competition they did a spotlight on Russian diver Dmitry Sautin. Dude. They took his body and then highlighted it with all of the surgeries and injuries he'd had in his career. He really shouldn't even be standing at this point. Not only did he have a slew of sports-related issues, he was also apparently involved in a fight of some sort in his teens and was stabbed four times, so he has serious scars. This guy only won a bronze medal, but I was just impressed that he could stand and not bellyflop.

Gross. Just Gross.
Have you seen the weightlifter who tried to hoist too many pounds above his head and dislocated his elbow? You need to watch it. Unless you have a weak stomach and then you should probably just use your imagination about what an arm looks like if were to be put on backwards.

Things I Just Don't Understand
There was a women's time trial thing in Cycling. But it never was explained to me why these women have cars riding behind them with bikes on the roofs. It was only 14 miles. Is your bike really going to die along the way. And isn't that just contributing to the smog issues. Who wants to ride behind the cars? I don't get this sport.

Lauren May Have Been On to Something
The other day my non-Olympic fan co-worker ranted about the sexist way female athletes' personal lives were portrayed. I kind of brushed it off because I've seen just as much about the guys lives and such too. But then yesterday during an MSNBC recap thing that aired right before I was heading out of the office, they were like, "It is every girls worst nightmare. Showing up to an event and someone else has on the same outfit as you." I'm really not paraphrasing much. Basically the US beach volleyball women showed up in the same color as their opponents were wearing. They went and changed into their alternate suits. Not a big deal. But they had to go and make it all girly and crap.

Can Someone Not Give The Guy New Goggles?
Michael Phelps is the most-hyped athlete of the games so far. So in two separate races, his swim goggles were filled with water. Doesn't he have a second pair handy? If not, I find it hard to believe that with all the sponsors and whatnot out there, that someone couldn't give the guy a new pair.

Mary Carillo Moment of the Night
I still think her segments are utterly pointless and unsuited for the middle of a primetime sporting event. But this one actually was good, mostly because she was being tortured by eating weird stuff. Goose lips. Rabbit head. Fried Scorpion. Bring on her pain! Though her whole "did you know that China has some unusual foods?" shtick was irritating. Yes. I am aware that there are unique cuisines all over the world. I watch The Amazing Race and Anthony Bourdain. This is not news. I did want to punch her when she started singing "I'm a little teapot" at a tea house, but I was able to contain myself. Until she started bantering with Bob Costas, who encouraged her to do a segment on the wild Beijing traffic. Bob. Love you. Please don't encourage her.

How Can We Reduce American Productivity?
There was a great deal of effort put into the scheduling of so many of these events so that they would air during primetime television in America. The athletes are all up at the crack of dawn and performing at their peak. But last night's primetime broadcast was set to go until 1 AM. Scheduled to go until 1 AM. That's later than I have to stay up to find out the best picture winner for the Oscars. That's kind of asking a lot of people. And I can't imagine that the delays with judging on gymnastics have helped matters. Keeping the LIVE coverage going until 2 AM, kept me on the edge of my seat (I really, really wanted to see the impressively twisted Yang Wei take gold!), though I knew I'd be paying for it today. (At least they ran with little or no commercials at that late hour. Can't imagine that sponsors are really begging for the people watching in that time slot.) I just feel bad for the rest of the fans out there who can't go to their boss and be like, sorry I'm dozing at my desk, I was up late "working" and watching the Olympics.

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