"Hey there Jenna's MySpacers! My name is Rainn Wilson and I've kidnapped the lovely Jenna, put her, bound, in the trunk of my firebird and logged onto her MySpace to send out this bulletin. To free America's sweetheart, Pam Beesly, one half of the magic which is 'Jam', you must attend my new movie, The Rocker, which opens August 20th. As soon as the film grosses 18.7 Mil, she will be released and given a peach smoothie.

I've also recently discovered that August 20th is truly a special and historic day. Estonia achieved its independence! Sting got married to Trudy Skyler! What better way to celebrate the magic of Sting and Estonia than by seeing what is perhaps the greatest film ever made (about a heavy metal drummer).

Many of you have perhaps seen posters of me in my leopard briefs, or the trailers in which my balls get racked by a power strip. And, although the film WILL be adored by legions of teen-aged male Dwight fans, it will also be loved by the whole GD family, including Amish cousins. It truly is a fun and lovely coming-of-age, rock n'roll comedy and good reviews are coming in, including two thumbs up from Ebert and Roeper and also from my son, Walter (who has three of them).

Also, if you're a fan of: Will Arnett, Christina Applegate, Jason Sudeikis, Jane Lynch, Emma Stone, Jeff Garlin, Demitri Martin, Fred Armisen, Bradley Cooper, Pope Benedick III, WINGS (the show and/or the back-up band), coral reefs, soup, Former Mayor Ed Koch, the guy who played Norm on Cheers, baby Suri, dairy, Coldplay, Animal Planet or the letter "Q"... YOU WILL LOVE THIS MOVIE! So... Please spend your 10.50$ American on THE ROCKER, get yourself a popcorn and a Mountain Dew, bring 1800 of your closest friends so that 1) Jenna gets a smoothie and 2) They let me be in another movie someday. That is all.

Rainn Dietrich Wilson"

While I was super excited for Tropic Thunder, I would rather have Pam stay alive than enjoy Robert Downey, Jr. in blackface. Which is surprising. Oh well, The Rocker it is! Now if you'll excuse me, writing this post has made me want a peach smoothie, like, real bad. It's Jamba Juice o'clock!