You can go ahead and file this under much ado about nothin': Today a story is circulating about how Dylan and Brandon will be "back" on 90210 -- this despite numerous comments to the contrary from both Luke Perry and Jason Priestley. What they mean is that both characters will be mentioned on the episode airing September 30, and Brenda will even receive -- gasp! -- a phone call from Dylan! Here's what I predict the conversation will sound like:

Do Not Disturb may very well be the first show axed this season, though Fox refuses to come right out and say it. Instead the network is just politely saying that the tedious comedy has been pulled from the lineup for next week and replaced with an episode of 'Til Death. Note to Jerry O'Connell: If your show is being replaced by 'Til Death, its time to start asking your agent about new jobs. Sure there is a minuscule chance that the ratings for the inexplicably popular 'Til Death will tank and Fox will decide Disturb wasn't such a bad option. But that's not going to happen. Networks hate to use the canceled word. Shows are just "shelved" instead, and occasionally the additional episodes are aired on a Friday night at 2 am, so they can say they aired them for contractual reasons or whatever, or so the one fan out there will be happy and stop sending emails to the network president. So Fox can call it whatever it wants, but it seems that Do Not Disturb isn't likely to disturb viewers Wednesday nights any longer. Oh, and can someone give Jesse Tyler Ferguson a job on a good show? Please?

After suffering through the tedium of three hours of badly scripted banter and ridiculous reality hosts trying to cobble together a show, we've had enough. Hollywood has enough ceremonies on TV where they sit and pat each other on the backs, and we're tired of sitting through them all. At least the Creative Arts Emmys have the good decency to do it on the DL and air them when people can ignore them -- unlike the Emmys, which are a big fancy event with hours of red carpet footage and a ceremony to boot. And if they're going to continue to air them, couldn't people at least go back to wearing wild outfits?

I don't know how this exciting piece of cult TV movie news slipped past me, but Cinematical says that David Hasselhoff's take on Marvel's original Nick Fury, Nick Fury: Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D (in case, you know, someone might confuse the character with a Nick Fury who works at the Costco hot dog stand) will be released exclusively through Best Buy next Tuesday, September 30th. And what's got two thumbs, loved that movie in the 9th grade despite its low production/artistic values and will be queued up at Best Buy at the crack of dawn before work on Tuesday to purchase it? This guy! And you too I bet, ya Hasselhoff-lovin' Hasselhoff-lovers!

If Denise Richards fabricating a story about how her assy reality show It's Complicated is getting picked up for another season has taught me one thing, it's to not trust what dumdum plastic surgery victims/"actresses" say about goings-on in the TV industry. Chances are, they're hoping people will accuse them of merely being confused rather than outright lying, and then realize, hey! That's not such a bad idea, what she said! Maybe we should renew that crappy show no one watched! With that said, I'm taking what Lisa Rinna has said about rumblings of a Melrose Place remake with a grain of Restalyne. I know she's hard up for work now that she's exhausted her second fifteen minutes as the token cougar on Dancing With the Stars, but let's not even put a bug in the CW's ear, OK? It's not fair to anyone.

Because virtually the only pilot news we ever read anymore is either a remake or a literary adaptation, I bring you the latest of the former. The Partridge Family is being remade as a modern, "tongue-in-cheek" update of the series, which, I mean, I guess it's possible that it could be a scathing satire of the current state of the music industry, with a giant nod to the fact that only teens with television shows sell any records anymore, but this is Hollywood we're talking about. This thing will be on CBS or something and it will be a family show about a family playing family songs in a familial fashion on their family Hum-V (well, it's an update) and we'll all learn valuable lessons about family values and sitting down at the table together every night for pot roast and Tang. That being said, if Bonaduce's involved, I am so in!

What do your TV-watching habits say about you? Or, more precisely, what do peoples' favorite shows reveal about their political preferences? According to a poll administered by audience rating entity FastTrack Television, McCain and Obama supporters share a lot of the same faves, with a few illuminating exceptions. While both camps love them some House and The Office, Obama lovers are more inclined to watch shows with a, shall we say, rather juvenile comedic sensibility like Family Guy and Two and a Half Men, while McCain-iacs are more interested in manly man fare like Survivor and NCIS. Translation: Dems like poop jokes, fantastical conceits like talking babies and misogyny (Charlie Sheen), while Republicans have closeted gay feelings towards Jeff Probst, enjoy watching people lie and cheat to get what they want and like watching Mark Harmon act like a tough guy. Draw from this information what you will. Perhaps the most enlightening bit of info? The Undecideds were the only group polled who watch E.R., which, among other things, puts to rest the mind boggling question of how that show is still on the air. If these people are convinced E.R. is good television, clearly they have bigger problems than deciding who to vote for.

Season 13 of The Amazing Race premieres Sunday, and the Emmys were last Sunday. But in the middle of all of that madness -- just a couple days before the show's sixth Emmy win for best competitive reality programming -- The Amazing Race creator and executive producer Bertram van Munster took time to chat briefly with us about the show, Phil, and all those Emmys.

Oh, and we also talked about Television Without Pity, of course. When asked if he knows about the site, van Munster replied, "Of course I do. Please have mercy on me."

My second favorite Mary on the planet (the first being Mary Tyler Moore -- there are few people I'd suffer through Lipstick Jungle for) is heading over to Grey's Anatomy for a three to five episode arc. Finally. Someone appreciates the brilliance of the amazing Mary McDonnell... even if those stupid old Emmy people don't see that Battlestar Galactica's madame president is one of the most talented actresses working today.

I have to hand it to Sci Fi's Scare Tactics for having industrious P.A.s willing to scour this fine nation of ours to find the dumbest and most gullible people ever to serve as the unwitting victims of their creepy practical jokes. Perhaps they merely felt that they had to up their game this season now that Shannen Doherty's not around to unintentionally instill the fear of god in everyone who appears on the show? No matter. For those of you who don't know the premise, Scare Tactics is like a really, really twisted version of Candid Camera. Or, you know, Punk'd, but with vampires instead of B-list celebrities. In a recent episode which came to our attention courtesy of the good people at Best Week Ever, a (retarded?) new hire at a spa comes upon what appears to be a Satanic bloodletting ceremony that's been ordered up for a client who insists on looking younger. I don't know about y'all but if I walked in on something like that, I would probably a) pee my pants and b) start laughing uncontrollably. Real talk? That blood is faker than a bucket full of ketchup, people! The scene manages to be sordid as hell and completely hysterical at the same time. Bonus points for a cameo from a pair of fake boobies. Peep it/them after the jump.