Elisabeth Hasselbarf is rumored to be leaving lady chatfest The View and it's not even my birthday! Word is the token right-winger will depart for greener pastures, and by greener pastures I mean token right wing news outlet Fox News. Is this Fox's attempt to compete with MSNBC's lightening rod lezzie leftie Rachel Maddow? Because I think we all know who would win that cage fight -- assuming Hasselboobs hasn't had her acrylics redone in the last 48 hours.

When a door closes, a window opens, or so my psychic tells me. Which is why I'd barely dried my tears from the news that Amy Poehler was exiting SNL when I encountered the joyous nugget that sex personified Jon Hamm, he of the most excellent period drama ever to hit the TV waves Mad Men, will be hosting the show on October 25. Aside from the obvi Mad Men parody, which I predict will feature a red wig-sporting Andy Samberg in the role of Joan, I'm not really sure what to expect, but from my in depth stalking knowledge of Hamm off-camera, he seems like the polar opposite of Don Draper -- loose, goofy and ... ummm, a ham (pun intended). Needless to say, I'm stoked to see him flex his man comedy muscle for all the world to see. Bonus: SNL is taped right in my building, which will make it that much easier for me to loiter wait outside the stage door with two pieces of bread, some mustard and a nice wheel of brie.

As has become my weekly tradition, I again find myself writing about Bones. But I swear this week was a really great episode (check out the video after the jump if you don't believe me). So good that I wish I had watched it on Weds. when it aired, but I was off watching Harry Potter's Daniel Radcliffe wave his um, magic wand around on stage. So I'm delayed in my enthusiasm, but that's nothing against the episode. Anyway, the case was about dog-fighting, and there was lots of good banter and plenty of moments of Brennan being awkward about not dealing with human emotions. And cute scenes of Booth showing off his parenting skills (for the record, he was never carried around like a monkey by a girl). But the best part was that this week's rotating grad student du jour was played by former Practice star Michael Badalucco. He was a former used car salesman, veterinary assistant and wannabe forensic anthropologist. He was clever, had a diverse and interesting past and really fit in well with the Jeffersonian squints. If they ever decide they want a permanent person to replace Zack, I'd say Badalucco's Scott would be a good fit. Not annoying, was able to cope with the neurotic Hodgins and seemed to know his stuff. If not, here's hoping they at least bring him back again once and while.

The Emmys can just be so dull and predictable... or just outright boring. Does anyone remember last year's never ending Sopranos tribute complete with Jersey Boys singing? Yeah. This year they are trying to spice things up by having Josh Groban sing classic theme songs (yup, Friends is now classic), presenters recite memorable TV lines ("Marcia, Marcia, Marcia!"), recreating famous sets and reuniting stars of classic shows. Sounds like a lot is going on, but we've got some of our own ideas about how they could really make this show unforgettable, and, most importantly, watchable.

Who thought of this? Seriously? When VH1 Classic did Matzoh + Metal a few years back, it was kinda cool. A funky way to celebrate the usually-ignored-by-the-mainstream holiday of Passover. But now they've gone too far. They are celebrating Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year (and one of the High Holidays) by playing 24 hours of ... get this Rush. The crappy ass Canadian band Rush (nothing against Canada or Canadian music in general). They are calling it Rush Hashanah. Now I get that someone probably thought this was like a clever play on words and got a good laugh out of it. But Rush? That's just insulting. I don't know if any of the band is Jewish or not, but still... couldn't they have found another band? Bush maybe? They are slightly less crappy and Gavin Rossdale could use the cash since he's got another mouth to feed. Sigh. I'm kinda glad that I'll be in synagogue for like six hours, and then subjected to family dinner, so I won't be tempted to tune-in to see this horribleness in action.

Not to be crass or anything but I think I speak for legions when I ask: just whose you-know-what is Denise Richards you-know-whating these days? That's got to be the only logical explanation for how in the name of all that's slutty her poo-smelling reality show It's Complicated got renewed for another mind-numbing season. Let's review the highlights of the first scintillating season, shall we? In one episode, Denise decides to breed her potbellied pig. In another, she calls a reporter the c-word in the course of addressing tabloid rumors from about a year ago that people have since stopped caring about (and ceased to care about before they even knew about them). And let's not forget the heartwarming episode where she gets her poor sap of a dad a spray tan and man-scape and drags him to some red carpet affair. And the one where she tries to stop swearing! I mean the action is just non-stop here, folks!

This is probably the geekiest article I'll write this month, but with my love for all things Doctor Who and Harry Potter (I just saw Daniel Radcliffe naked in Equus last night!), I just couldn't help myself. According to the reputable source The Sun current Doctor David Tennant nixed a proposal that would have Harry Potter mastermind J.K. Rowling guesting on the show's annual Christmas special feature .

Thanks, God! I was hoping you'd been listening to my prayers about Stephen Colbert making a one-hour musical Christmas special featuring the likes of Elvis Costello, Feist, Jon Legend, Willie Nelson and token Jew Jon Stewart! And I'm not even that mad that you insisted on putting that assmongrel Toby Keith on the bill, because I know I'm not the only one in the universe (or at least that's the game we're pretending today). From what I can tell, this little revue you've whipped up, which you wisely decided to call A Colbert Christmas: The Greatest Gift of All, sounds almost identical to A Muppet Family Christmas: Colbert gets snowed in at his cabin upstate and weathers the storm (lit'rally) by singing songs with all his buddies. (Ohhh, and Toby Keith even looks like Miss Piggy! This analogy totally works!)

Good news, fans of sexy vampire TV shows: True Blood got picked up for a second season after airing just two episodes. (Ep. 2 got a nice bump... likely because they didn't air it during a holiday weekend!) Either HBO's real desperate, or it knows that its got a slow-building culty hit on its hands. I'm hoping for the later, but I'm kind of a realist these days, so it is probably the former. Having read a bunch of the Sookie Stackhouse books (or the Southern Vampire novels as they are oft referred to) there's a lot of potential. Given that the first two episodes are mostly in keeping with the first novel (with a few additional and amalgam characters), but only tackle a few chapters, I presume that the first season will finish out the tale the unfurls in book one.

Just when you thought we couldn't suck from the withered teat that is the Sex and the City franchise any more, news has surfaced that SATC scribe Candace Bushnell will revisit the title and churn out not one but two books that focus on the humble beginnings of Carrie Bradshaw. Hmmm, could the recent success of Gossip Girl and its followers have anything to do with her decision to explore Carrie's high school career? According to Bushnell, "Carrie in high school did not follow the crowd -- she led it. It was there that she began observing and commenting on the social scene." Huh. So was she a small-town gal whose flair for outlandish fashion and razor sharp social observations made her an outcast? Will the story arch follow her transformation from weird girl to popular prom queen? Or will we get more of the same -- fabulous, artfully maladjusted teenagers with nary a zit, weight problem or bad hair day in sight? Because clearly we don't have nearly enough of those. Talk about an embarrassment of bitches.