BLOGS

The Telefile
The CMA Awards: The Hair Really Could Have Been Bigger What has country music come to? All the ladies last night had criminally normal hair! Hell, even Kid Rock's backup dancers looked like they'd managed to avoid draining six bottles of Aquanet and/or a visit to Dolly's wigmaker when putting together their look. We watch these things for giant hair, Nashville! Get your sides out! And speaking of things that were missing from the country music industry spectacle, the following crowd-pleasers did not take the stage and I'm steamin' mad: Tim and Faith, Dolly Parton, Dierks Bentley, Gretchen Wilson, Little Big Town, and Toby Keith (OK, maybe I didn't miss Toby Keith, per se, but for being the BMOC of Nashville, he was glaringly absent). On the upside, there was no Jessica Simpson! Ahh, that one almost makes up for the lack of Tim and Faith. Except not at all, because they are amazing shining lights of hope and everlasting love that make Brangelina look like Speidi. Anyway.

The Hosts:
Brad Paisley is known for being a big, lovable goofball (and giant sci-fi nerd -- trivia!), so it was no surprise that he was funnier than can usually be expected from most awards show hosts. What was surprising, however, was the amount of dirty jokes he got into the family-friendly show, not to mention a dig at Sarah Palin at one point (Republican-snarking at a country show?! Gasp!). The other half of the hosting duo, Carrie Underwood, was poised and beautiful and her performance of "Just a Dream" was flawless. I hate her.

The Crowd:
Really low energy. Painfully so. I mean, I know it's an industry event, but it's televised! Find some screaming teenagers to plop down in the front or something. This crowd was over. it.

The Graphics:
Were hysterical. Giant boots scootin' around in the background all by their lonesome, beer pints bopping to George Strait of their own volition, giant, tacky pink hearts. It reminded me of the backgrounds we had to choose from for our Destiny's Child cover video at Grad Night '01. Truly a sight to behold.

The Kellie Pickler:
Oh lordy. Her performance. She strutted around the stage in this biker-hooker costume, dorkily fist-pumping and posing really awkwardly, basically trying to be as awesome as Jennifer Nettles, which is never going to happen. Ahh crap, now I feel sorry for her. Let's bottle up our feelings and move on!

The Things I Don't Get:
Lady Antebellum and Rodney Atkins. Why are they national sensations? Why?

The Bait and Switch:
Yeahhhh, that "surprise industry legend" closing out the show they kept insinuating was Dolly? It was Shania Twain. I watched three hours of this only to be rewarded with Shania Twain. I'm so reporting the CMA Awards to the Better Business Bureau.

Oh, and Reba (sort of) performed, but she didn't sing "Fancy" so I was as over it as the crowd was. Your thoughts on the show? How about that fringe getup Jennifer Nettles had? Jeals.

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