Like any good American and New Yorker, I watched last night's election coverage in a bar. The particular bar I was in had about 12 giant TV screens tuned to Fox, CNN and MSNBC, so I got a pretty well-rounded exposure to the coverage, and to several glasses of something called a "Blue State Shooter," which was in a pilsner glass, so it technically was not a shooter, but that's not the point of this post. My point is that CNN had the most entertaining coverage, for the following three reasons: 1) They had Anderson Cooper, who is America's sweetheart (also, it may have been the Blue State Shooters playing tricks on my eyes, but I swore I noticed for the first time that Andy is shorter than Wolf Blitzer, which just blew my mind all apart), 2) Paul Begala is the funniest man on television and I'm not exaggerating, and 3) THEY HAD HOLOGRAMS LIKE IN STAR WARS! I'm serious! It was like a less sad version of when Superman would get messages from his dead parents in the Fortress of Solitude! It was like if Kirk and Bones spontaneously started talking about the 2008 election when they came back from a mission!