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<I>Bromance</I>: Can You Feel The Love Tonight?

The answer to that question should be a resounding no. If the question was "Can you feel the desperation of nine guys who really want to be rich and famous without having actually any skill aside from kissing ass?" then the answer would be yes. The "star" of this "show" is Brody Jenner, who is pretty much famous for having a famous dad and using that to leverage his way into reality TV "stardom." Though his official bio on the MTV site would have you think differently: "Nominated for a 2008 Teen Choice Award for his role on The Hills, Brody Jenner is more than just a handsome face; he's a talented entertainer, a budding entrepreneur and a lover of all things luxurious." OK then.

His new show is basically the same as Paris Hilton's My New BFF, except in guy format. She was looking for someone to replace Nicole Richie, he's looking for someone to fill the vacant hole left by Spencer Pratt. If you have no idea who any of those people are... God bless you. I kind of want to live in a world where I don't know anything about The Hills or random socialites. Anyway, Brody is on the look for a new guy pal. He's got his two existing pals, Frankie and Sleazy T, to help him along the way. Which makes me wonder why he needs another friend, Frankie's confused about it too. And what the hell kind of name is Sleazy T?

So Brody has nine dudes who want to be his friend and win some swanky apartment (though it's unclear if they will get the "pad" outright, or just get housing for a year or something). Frankly, I'd be friends with Brody Jenner (even though I think he's kind of an asshat) if it meant I could live in this massive apartment. However, I'd never make it through the challenges. Much like the poor sweet little token gay contestant Michael (who mostly just wanted to meet LC), I'd probably have to bow out after a whole day of disgusting guys talking about banging chicks. It might hurt my oh so delicate sensibilities.

The eight guys (since poor misguided Michael walked off gracefully) are an interesting bunch of idiots who think that Brody is the hottest thing on the planet and say things like "all guys want to be him, and all girls want to be with him." Um, no. Wrong. And that Brody is this generation's Austin Powers, which makes so little sense on so many levels. My brain hurts. The first "competition" involved the boys trying to pick up women for a lingerie party to impress Brody. Losers had to clean the club. Then the boys had to give a toast, at which point, one guy (don't ask me which) said that he was going to "Broast" (by which he meant he was going to roast his new bro) Brody, and then used the word "bromosexual." I hate this guy. Whoever he is. Brody, however, loves him and is going to introduce "broast" into his vocabulary. Considering I swear he called one drunk guy "billiterated," this is not such an accomplishment. Another guy, or it might have been the same one, I had to look away, the douchiness emanating from the TV screen was giving me a migraine, pulled off his shirt to reveal an undershirt that said "Bromance" on the front, with a little heart around it (gag) and then on the back it said "because Spencer Pratt was a douchebag." Which, fine, he's got a point, but that was the only thing in the whole episode I found remotely entertaining. But then Brody found it funny too, so now I can't find that amusing because I don't want to admit to having the same sense of humor as Brody Jenner.

The stooped to a whole new level of ridiculous when it got to the elimination round. This isn't like the Rock of Love or Shot of Love skanks who get a key or anything like that, here all the guys hop in this giant hot tub and snuggle up on one side, while Brody sits submerged on the other side. Some guys are deemed "all good" (ugh) and others are called out for their behavior. As they are safe, they hop out of the tub, until it gets down to two and then it is just Brody and two guys sitting in a tub. It's more than a little HoYay-filled, though Brody thinks this is an awesome style of elimination and Survivor has nothing on this show. He's so beyond misguided. I'll take Jeff Probst and his torch snuffing any day. Then once Brody sends one little BroNo on his way, the other guys jump back in the tub and toast their good fortune.

It's only been one episode, and I hate it already, which is making me mad because my New Year's Resolution was to be slightly more tolerant of things and to give things a chance, but I just can't bring myself to watch another one of these. I mean, I'm already inexplicably fascinated by the heinous Double Shot of Love and Rock of Love (The "If This Bus Is Rockin', Don't Come a Knockin' Edition") starts next week. I don't have room to see if Brody finds a boy to complete him or not. Even if I wanted to. Which I really, really don't.

Your take? Did you like the show?

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