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Oh, Hell No! (Re: The Amazing Race Last Night)

by Mindy Monez December 1, 2008 3:31 pm
Oh, Hell No! (Re: <I>The Amazing Race</I> Last Night) This is me trying to be courteous to those who have yet to see last night's Amazing Race installment, in which two teams that deserve to be in next week's finale and one team that is literally the definition of borderline special needs were sent to said finale, while the most adorable, odds-defying, most vertically-coifed team of them all was sent packing. Ugh. This is the worst.

I am of course talking about Toni and Dallas, or as Angel and I affectionately refer to them, "Team Motherboy," who were eliminated last night because Dallas, as wonderful and endearing as he is, is an idiot. Oh, Team Motherboy, whyyyyyyy?! When a clue asks who is good at solving mysteries, why would you choose the sweet but simple boy who doesn't even know where New Zealand is on a map to tackle it all by himself? Dallas is good at lugging flour sacks, not using his brain! Mysteries are hard for brains to solve! And yes, maybe identifying statues of Lenin and Stalin in plain view isn't exactly "solving a mystery" to most people, but Dallas has absolutely no idea what either of those people looked like, and he maybe doesn't even know who they were, so I think it's safe to say the task was pretty "mysterious" as far as he was concerned. This was clearly not for him to do, Toni! WTF?! Where were you on this?

Speaking of Toni, I absolutely love how much discussion there has been on the show about how she just paid through the roof for Dallas's "education," when he clearly doesn't know anything about anything. Did Toni even research these "schools" before she forked over the tuition? I went to some pretty decrepit California public schools, and even I know things like where New Zealand is and what Joseph Stalin looked like.

So eventually Tina gave the floundering Dallas the answer for some self-destructive reason, and he got through the first half of the task! Yayyyyyy! And then... he proved to be even more self-destructive than Tina by leaving their passports and money in a cab on accident, bless his heart. And oh god, my heartstrings when Phil had to go find them and evict them from The Race halfway through the leg. They nearly snapped in two. At least Team Motherboy left with Dallas's guido hair as high as their spirits have ever been, even though it made me want to cry.

So here we are, down to the final three teams: Ken and Tina, Nick and Starr (for the very obvious win, but I'm totally still watching it) and Dandrew, who are so unbelievably inept that if they were farm animals they'd have just been shot a long time ago. Who are you rooting for? If you say Dandrew I'm seriously going to find you and kill you.

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