OK, not really, but an actual musical version of The Wire would... OK, it would be terrible, nevermind. The good news is that's not happening, but after the jump you can watch a mesmerizing recap of the entire series in rap form, by rapper Mad Skillz -- complete with a Youtube clip montage! You know, in case you're a Wire super fan in withdrawal or maybe just someone who wants to know what happened on the beloved series but are short on time, or just too afraid of that totally germed out outdoor couch they all hung out on in Season 1 to actually sit down with the DVDs. (You can also read our awesome old recaps of the show to catch up. Just saying.)

I've already watched it twice, and I don't plan on stopping anytime in the near future. Oh, Internet. What did we do before we had you? Just sit around not listening to rap versions of The Wire all day? Clearly, that's a life not worth living. Also, if anyone finds/knows where to find an MP3 version of this, please leave a link below. This is so my new jam.

To be completely honest, I haven't watched The Real World since around the time Trishelle came on the scene, and it's for the reasons that a lot of people love the show: too much trashy drunken sluttiness and stupidity run amok. It's for this very reason that the first episode of the new season, set in Red Hook, Brooklyn appealed to me and gave me hope that the show is trying to return to its quasi-relevant, less Girls Gone Wild-y tone.

In preparation for next week's big fancy premiere date, Simon Cowell got on the horn with the media (including us -- we're totally the media) recently to share all the AI secrets he hides in his infamous pecs. I have to say, he was surprisingly affable and gracious, but then again that's probably just because nobody was singing at him. He was frank about how risky this season's changes could be, and his praise for new judge Kara DioGuardi wasn't exactly overwhelming, but it's Simon, and he's just not a gusher of praise in general. Personally, I have a good feeling about the new judge. Not that I have anything to base that on other than the brief call I had with her back in August, but all I can say is this show needs a coherent female who also has a good ear, and she is undeniably that. Anyway, read on for Simon's thoughts on Kara, Paula's trash talk, what sucked about last season and all manner of other things Idol below.

America is going crazy over the fake psychic who solves crimes! ...Except they've been going crazy about this guy's show for three seasons already. USA's detective comedy Psych returns on Friday with new episodes, and we got the chance to talk to stars James Roday (Shawn) and Dulé Hill (Gus) about what's coming up in terms of romances, guest stars and possible references to a certain other psychic investigator.

I couldn't actually bring myself to watch the People's Choice Awards last night. There is only so much Adam Sandler a girl can take and the incessant commercials for Bedtime Stories have more than fulfilled my quota for the year. Any award show that even has Worst Week in the running for Best New Comedy is no good in my book. I don't care if there weren't that many to choose from this year. Gary Unmarried won, if you care... which I don't. Besides, I was too busy distracting myself with the horror show that was 13: Fear Is Real, which in retrospect was probably worse than sitting through a few minutes of Adam Sandler schtick.

I don't really know what to say about this other than it's awful and sad, and that since Angel is too heartbroken to write about it I thought I'd let you know about ABC's newest shitting on their own fans travesty. You see, episode 11 of Pushing Daisies Season 2 was supposed to air tonight, but Bryan Fuller has told Ausiello that it's been pulled from the schedule at the last minute (and replaced with last night's Scrubs reruns, no less), and that the remaining three episodes may never air at all. "They are not scheduled to air right now," he sighs, "and that's all we know." I mean wow. After the public outcry over the series' cancellation, why would they do this on top of that? So horrible. Almost as horrible as Private Practice. Which is still on every week. Yay.

So that's it, kids. Don't look for a new Pushing Daisies tonight, or ever, probably. So terrible. Like, what did Pushing Daisies do to ABC to justify this? Sleep with its wife or something? I can't deal with this. I'm going to go purchase a whimsical pie for Angel now and we're gonna eat through our pain. Leave some woe and/or pie ideas in the comments, li'l gumshoes.

Well, at least its not another dancing show. ABC has given the greenlight to a trainwreck in the making called Superstars. Not to be confused with the current trainwreck Superstars of Dance. Instead this one will pair celebrities (D-List or lower, I'm sure) with professional athletes to compete in events like swimming, biking, running and kayaking. Wow. That sounds... riveting. There's not a hell of a lot more exciting than watching people run.

Ah Scrubs. We used to love it, but then we had to PH it. It just wasn't so consistently funny anymore. Still, it definitely deserved a better send off than that twisted fairy tale mess of a "series finale" that aired on NBC, but I wasn't entirely looking forward to its return, especially if it was going to deliver more lackluster episodes. There's not much I hate more than shows that just don't know when to quit. However, the two episode premiere (on its new network) actually won me over, and made me remember why I used to enjoy this show in the first place. Here's why...

Everyone knows we're a nation of ADD-addled freakazoids with the out-of-sight, out-of-mind mental capacity of a gnat. So it makes sense that some network and cable brass are feeling a little worried about the months that've elapsed since their shows last proffered new episodes. Case in point, HBO's Big Love, which for various reasons mostly owing to the writer's strike hasn't aired a new show since August of '07 (you read that right) and is therefore throwing endless resources into reminding people it exists and is still relevant. Specifically, in keeping with the show's tagline, "Everyone has something to hide," they've constructed eye-level billboards in New York and L.A. equipped with headsets which passers-by can don and listen to random people offering up "secrets," from stealing someone's lunch out of the communal work refrigerator to less wholesome untruths. It's a brilliant ploy, because the Great Hot Mormon trend of '07 might've flamed out, but gossip and secrets never go out of style.

This little flight of marketing fancy might very well succeed in recapturing Big Love viewers and even winning a new audience. But what about some other returning shows without the budget or the creativity to exploit the subconscious desires of the masses? I've decided to be a generous soul (it's my new thing for '09!) and come up with a few ideas for shows that have been off the air so long that their core audience has all but given it up for dead. Just call me Mother Theresa.

Damages returns with a new season tonight, after a crazy long delay due to the writer's strike, and I was lucky enough to join a bunch of other blogger types on a conference call with Glenn Close, and creators/executive producers Todd A. Kessler, Daniel Zelman, and Glenn Kessler to dish the new season.

As for me, I'm a huge fan of the show and from what I've seen from the three episodes of the new season they sent me, the next 13 weeks are going to be just as awesomely nutbar as last season's were. Though I'm still not sold on Rose Byrne as an actress, and I likely never will be, as she's still really way out of her league here, I'm sorry to report. But, luckily, everyone else on the show is amazing, and new castmembers William Hurt, Marcia Gay Harden, Goodwin from Lost and Tim Olyphant are fitting in very nicely and doing the great work we all expected them to. And Glenn Close is still terrifying. A little less so, so far, than last season, but, you know, she's still Glenn Close, and Glenn Close is terrifying. And also fairly loopy on this call, as she joined it the morning after a very late shoot. This ended up being surprisingly awesome, actually. Because the hardest part about playing Patty Hewes? Apparently it's the high heels, people. Oh, and this is a little premiere episode spoiler-filled, obviously. Just FYI.