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It's Time We Declared War on Tamra

by Mindy Monez January 21, 2009 10:56 am
It's Time We Declared War on Tamra

So Bravo decided to experiment with a "To Be Continued" on The Real Housewives of Orange County a couple of weeks ago, leaving us all tied up in knots wondering if that drunk gold digger would hook up with that sober Real Houseson or not until this week. It was all very dramatic. She was wasted and telling him he was very cute and he was basically acting like the date rapist-est date rapist who ever date raped, begging her to make out with him even though she's drunk and engaged, OH NO! So whatever, this stupid show is stupid and who cares if these idiots make out and everything, but cliffhangers are an amazing tactic and Troy was on instead of Nip/Tuck for some reason, so I tuned in last night.

And what I saw was the shittiest excuse for a cliffhanger resolution I've ever seen in my entire life. Have the RHOC producers ever even seen a cliffhanger on television before? Basically the episode opened where we left off, with those two idiots in the bathroom being gross, and a few seconds later Gretchen kicked Ryan out and then stumbled off to bed and that was it. So -- shock! -- the cliffhanger was a trick. They didn't make out, and her sham engagement is still in tact! Millions will be had by her!

But as annoying as that was, it paled in comparison to Tamra in both this episode and the one that preceded it. Is it just me or has that nightmare been in rare form lately? She's almost making Vicki seem pleasant. I hate her. And yes, these-people-are-awful is the premise of the show, but there's only so much I'm going to stand for. Besides the fact that she was on a mission to get Gretchen drunk and date raped by her son, or something else of equal humiliation two weeks ago, last night she was on one of her everyone's sooooo jealous of me rampages, which is not only annoying, it makes no sense. Yes, Tamra. We all wish we were legally bound to a man who seems unbearably ashamed of us, and that we were so empty we have to fill our lives with unconditional materialism and a delusional conviction that every woman we meet is jealous of us because unendurable insecurity has robbed us of any real measure of our worth. It's every woman's dream!

If you're a vapid, fading trophy wife and you can't convince yourself that everyone you encounter envies you wildly despite little to no evidence of it, do you even exist? Apparently not, according to Tamra, because pretending Gretchen is jealous of her and hatching elaborate plans to destroy her is like, pretty much priority number one with her right now. Even though she's got a date rapey, usually unemployed son to worry about. So yeah. This show is really terrible. I'll try to blog (I'm trying it out) you something you don't know next time.

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