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Lost: What Sawyer & Co. Have Been Up To All This Time

On the March 4 episode of Lost, we'll see what Sawyer, Jin, Juliet and the rest of the castaways have been up to since they stopped time-traveling and started playing Dharma Initiative. Were they really there for three actual years? At the very least, they must have been there long enough for Jin to get in the habit of rolling up on unwanted visitors in his pimpin' van and pulling a gat on them. Here's what we think's been going on down in Sawyerville since Locke made a deal and spun the wheel.

- Sawyer has opened a bar called "Freckles" and a rib joint called "Hurley's."

- Using his skills from his two previous occupations -- enforcer and fisherman -- Jin has established himself as the island's most notorious loan shark. Unfortunately, all he loans out are delicious mako sharks.

- The Others now prefer to be called "The Sweathogs."

- Daniel Faraday was hanging a clock in his bathroom when his feet slipped on the wet porcelain and he hit his head on the edge of the sink. When he came to, he had the idea to build a flux capacitor, which is what makes time travel possible. He is currently trying to build a DeLorean out of bamboo.

- Walt's mental projection of himself is now 27 feet tall.

- Juliet has started her own book club, where they read a different Stephen King book every month, and anybody who doesn't like it can go suck eggs.

- Miles has also started a book club, but his is for all of the ghosts on the island. Also, they only read the novels of Dean Koontz.

- The smoke monster has developed a hacking cough, which everyone says it should get checked out, "just in case."

- With Locke gone, Richard Alpert has been elected mayor of the island, but now he has been targeted for death by the sociopath known only as "The Joker."

- For some reason, everyone has grown an extra toe.

What do you think has been going on, besides Sawyer and Juliet doing the horizontal mambo?

29 Comments

February 25, 2009 11:57 AM
Bob
Reply

This isn't funny.

February 25, 2009 12:24 PM
Agentquill
Reply

I agree with Bob.

February 25, 2009 12:41 PM
Vris
Reply

I don't get it.

February 25, 2009 1:04 PM
Rachel
Reply

Plus we're not seeing what the island people have been up to tonight. The episode is called "The Life and Death of Jeremy Bentham" and I bet its all off-island.

February 25, 2009 1:08 PM
Jill
Reply

You people are stupid. This is sarcastic.

February 25, 2009 1:08 PM
LegendofJelda
Reply

Not funny? Guess I'm easily pleased. I giggled like a Californian school girl.

February 25, 2009 1:13 PM
kat
Reply

It's amusing, but nothing spectacular. And Rachel is correct, if the title, description, and promo are to be believed, this episode is all about what happened to Lock and the next episode, Namaste, is about what happened to the left-behinders.

February 25, 2009 1:22 PM
Sharon
Reply

Well, I hee-hawed, especially at the book club tidbits. Just cuz the show is serious doesn't mean the fan base has to be.

February 25, 2009 1:42 PM
JessGH
Reply

Oh, come one people! "Build a DeLorean out of bamboo"? How can you not laugh? Are you dead inside??

February 25, 2009 2:00 PM
DBrown
Reply

It was pretty funny, but not the best stuff I've seen here. I'm a little disappointed.

February 25, 2009 2:16 PM
Jane
Reply

The only part I thought wasn't funny was the crack about Sawyer and Juliet, and that is only because the concept of that union horrifies me.

February 25, 2009 2:18 PM
scully546
Reply

Loved it! I cackled. Someone at work caught me too(how embarassing).

February 25, 2009 2:24 PM
Heythere
Reply

I loved it! IMO Freckles is a great name for a bar. Also the Daniel Faraday lines had me laughing so hard I thought I would snort my coffee.

February 25, 2009 2:40 PM
Jane
Reply

The only part I thought wasn't funny was the crack about Sawyer and Juliet, and that is only because the concept of that union horrifies me.

February 25, 2009 2:58 PM
Lisa
Reply

I guess I must be easily amused, because I laughed like I was 12! Besides - anyone who can make a "Flux Capacitor" joke is all right by me (if that makes me a cheap date, so be it!).

February 25, 2009 3:55 PM
Heather
Reply

I second the original posters. This is not funny, it's just tryin' real hard (and failing). Then again, these little fake "stories" that they cook up are never funny. So I guess we shouldn't be surprised!

February 25, 2009 3:55 PM
Heather
Reply

I second the original posters. This is not funny, it's just tryin' real hard (and failing). Then again, these little fake "stories" that they cook up are never funny. So I guess we shouldn't be surprised!

February 25, 2009 4:37 PM
Mickey
Reply

Was this supposed to be funny? Yeesh. Also, if you had watched the preview, you'd know that tonight may not have - probably won't since it was originall supposed to air prior to 316 -any of that catching up with the Islanders stuff. It's Locke-centric as to what he was doing when he left the island. Pft.

February 25, 2009 4:46 PM
Erica
Reply

I thought it was funny, gave me a good silent chuckle to myself. What is up people do we have to be so serious all the time.

February 25, 2009 5:20 PM
alice
Reply
replied to comment from Jane

You do know that Sawyer and Juliet ARE going to be living together, right? It's been confirmed all over the place.

February 25, 2009 5:23 PM
Lizzie
Reply
replied to comment from alice

Well, here I was, thinking that the writers would not throw a random couple together just because they could. Boy was I wrong!

February 25, 2009 5:29 PM
KateNonymous
Reply

I miss the old TWOP.

February 25, 2009 5:53 PM
DerekNonymous
Reply
replied to comment from KateNonymous

Especially Miss Alli.

February 25, 2009 6:58 PM
JaySin420
Reply

Yea I like this site alot but this article is lame, not funny or sarcastic, just lame....How about a Lost preview article next time or theories maybe?

February 25, 2009 8:55 PM
Sandy
Reply

Well, I must also be easily amused, because I laughed out loud. Think I will go out and open a bar named "Freckles"

February 25, 2009 9:29 PM
Kris
Reply

It's sad this is the level of comedy we can expect from TWoP. Remember when this site used to have talent?

February 25, 2009 9:29 PM
julesnevada
Reply

Geez, what pills some of you are

February 25, 2009 9:50 PM
Kris
Reply
replied to comment from julesnevada

Oh, sorry, should we fawn all over something that's not funny because it's TWoP? Or if we have nothing nice to say, should we say nothing at all? Because God forbid someone should actually be good at their job. There are sites like Cracked and The Onion that are hilarious, and articles like this are like your Mom making lame puns in comparison.

February 26, 2009 8:02 AM
Ana Maria
Reply

...count me in as one of the easily amused I guess, because I thought this was very funny! I totally would join Juliet's Book Club; I'm a huge Stephen King fan...my favorite part was the "just in case", re: the smoke monter's cough, hahahaha...I needed something light and funny about Lost, after last night's episode which took my breath away...

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