In more stars-departing-the-shows-that-made-them (relevant) news, Nicolette Sheridan is saying "bye bye" to Desperate Housewives at the end of the current season. Ted Casablancas at E! News claims he's seen a script containing Edie Britt's final scene and claims she'll get the ax in the following way: "Edie finds out that her husband, Dave, plans to kill her -- and Dave almost does kill her. She runs out of the house, but, alas, poor Edie gets in an accident, something involving her car and an electrical wire." But we all know what a liar he is.

Rapper extraordinaire Joaquin Phoenix showed up on David Letterman last night to promote his new moviefilm Two Lovers and did nothing to squash popular opinion that he's a freakazoid, spurring Letterman to acknowledge the crazy by remarking, "Joaquin, I'm sorry you couldn't be here tonight." Peep the intensely awkward clippity clip here.

Forget what you saw on last night's AI -- contestant Joanna Pacitti mighta made it through, but shortly after the broadcast a press release was circulated announcing that a previous record deal rendered her ineligible for the show. Sucks to be her. She'll be replaced by Felicia Barton.

File under "ew": ABC has greenlit the pilot for the Courteney Cox vehicle Cougar Town, in which she'll play a MILF with a teenaged son who's thrust (ew ew ew) back into the dating scene. The good news is that this show will obviously get canceled with a quickness, as all of Cox's post-Friends shows have. Allegedly, the idea for the show came from Cox's guest spot on Scrubs, that font of artistic inspiration.

The lineup of has-beens celebs on the new season of Dancing With the Stars was revealed a few days ago, but now we know the pairings! Steve-O and Lacey are so getting married.

Sunday night's Simpsons title sequence will get revamped for the first time since the show's debut in 1989. No more weekly couch gags, j'guess. Also they're jumping on the HD bandwagon... which I guess means, what, you'll get to see Bart's pixel acne?

This isn't quite TV news, but it was on a TV news show, so therefore I'm including an update on the adorable li'l koala named Sam, who survived a bad bush fire in Australia (with video!). Someone give me a koala.